ask me to stay

There's is a specific person that I've always wanted to say those four words and eleven letters. I know that I am very good at leaving people behind or to put it nicely moving on. I am not the kind of person who can manage to stay in one place and be happy with it. I want to keep my feet and body in a constant motion or else I will go crazy. I don't even know what it is about packing and unpacking that I crave for so much how stressful it might be. I don't know why I love it when I am standing on the street with my luggage in tow waving for a cab to take me to the airport and even losing a shoe or two because it slipped out of my extra bag. I don't know what it is about airports, its insufferable security, its tasteless food that I keep on wanting. All I can tell is that I love the idea of living in a new house, living with house mates, walking along unfamiliar streets and watching how people live in that community. The reason why I am giving this little speech is that there are people who are asking me to stay in the company. It is certainly insidious, very much so. I can, if arrangements are made and done, stay but for an entirely different reason. I'm staying because I want to spend more time (yelping and grinning and sometimes dissatisfaction involved) with this one guy (friend or co-employee or whatever). As I subtly mentioned in my previous posts it's starting to be an obsession already. Which is funny.
----------------------------------------------
I'll be seeing Jane and the rest of the gang in a few days. Nikkolaison and Carl already knows and I am really hoping I'd spend some time with them. Nikkolaison promised me we will but Carl seems to have other plans. I feel annoyed about it. I even felt I am not someone likable. So I asked Nikkolaison, he said and i quote, "you're pretty, intelligent, kind, nice and rich that's why I love you." and I thought he is being a jerk again. Geez, what a sorry excuse I have for a friend. Anyways, I don't think I want to stay, even if he will be the one who will ask me to.

(I'm sorry about the picture BUT it's the perfect description so...)

soon as i get you off my mind

Die just a little
Cry some more
Trying to remember how it was before
Let me die just a little
I'll be fine
Soon as I can get you off my mind
Die Just A Little..this is Side A's latest single. Everybody knows that this band is a music genius so I'd proceed telling you why I'm under their spell again. It's a sad case really all I am into is to be under some cheesy (but untterly amzing) song's spell. I was browsing through yesterday's paper yesterday and I read a column talkting about people who've been living alone for a long time BUT finding someone they could be with even if they're already at their 90's. I also came upon the line where it states that there are also those show never find one at all. Why am I even talking about this? Geez, I could be so pathetic at times.
15 more days and I am saying goodbye to [insert office's name here]. I'll slip a funny thought here, there are times when I get out of the office that I'd have this stirring in my heart that tells me to stay BUT everytime I get up and get ready for work I have this stirring in my stomach that says, "Here you go again." I haven't told my mum that I already resigned I'm sure she won't nag because she knows its useless and she knows that I can take care of myself so that's not what I'm worried about. I'm worried that looking for a job I really want is going to be a lot more difficult than I imagined.
Also I am gong back to school, I'm torn between Culinary Arts and Information Technology. Okay, maybe I am not torn between those two. I am just making sure I have another option just incase someone or something decided to throw me out the door going to my dream. Seriously I won't let that happen. I don't care how many things I have to give up I will get that dream.
--------------
Have a Happy Valentines to you all.

the opposite of exaltation

I would like to reserve this space as a THANK YOU space for a friend whom I call Jane.
You have no idea how happy I was when I received your email.
It made me jump, giggle, wiggle and almost cry. I even reached the point where I wanted to hug everyone I see in my peripheral vision but I held back because I know I will look like an idiot.
Not that I cared what they will think but then at that time I decided to keep the bliss to myself.
------------------------------------------
I am such a sucker for unnecessary attention. A few days back I was tied in a bind that was too complicated to untie by myself that I had to ask for help. The person who helped me was someone I was trying to avoid at all cost but well, there are things that you really have to willingly surrender to...so going back, that person whom I'll provide a codename Risotto attempted to help out even without being asked. Hah! Result? I was told that I shouldn't commit that mistake again and I end up saying, "Fine, I'll never talk to you again." But that few exchange of words worked as a Ferrari to get me out of my paranoia. Hours later there was a blinding light in my eyes that looked like I was thinking about him that way and that I am humiliated to admit that I am thinking about him. Which is extremely irritating because when I command myself to stop the only thing it does is make a quick detour taking it's sweet time to veer off path and then go back to where I didn't want it to go. Sometimes my brain acts as if its an entirely different object and it takes pleasure watching me in pain as it picks a moment to be perceptive. My mind used to be so obedient. What on earth happened?
Shred would find this funny to the point of being inane.
In the mean time I will do everything I can to demystify the situation even if I don't why I should.
-------------------------------------
Yesterday was a bad day. The day before that was exaltation. This isn't the first time it happened. I don't know if it's because I was sitting right next to a jerk or because I didn't see Tristan or because I didn't have my usual can of coke.
Speaking of which, Alex, a lovely lady who works a couple of floors down said that I really am "something else" just take a look at the title of my blog and my name combined, coke+cane=cokecane. Ah, I have a new nickname. I told Marj about it then I remembered the story Calamity Jane then I said, wait a minute, what about Calamity Cane? Tsk tsk, I am such a mess. A very crazy mess.
---------------------------------

**second try using oil pastel**


**nisce and i at apoviewhotel**


**i still don't likedurina BUT i wasglad to have finished this one for nisce, really I am**