happy third birthday blog!!!

Would you look at that, it's been three long years since I started this blog. This year seems to be a lot better than last year. I did a lot of things:

I resigned from IHG

moved back to my parents house

stayed AWOL for a year

got a another job

moved out of my parent's house

and is planning to get moving again AND

I'm still single *sigh*

My main aim seems to be "keep moving forward", I know, you've heard it from a movie before (that statement I mean) but it sure is an accurate description. I just couldn't be stopped moving forward.

Last night I slept late and woke up early again, this time however I had a lot in my mind that I don't usually think about. You know, people and places I don't really care about that would always snake its way in my brain...Hell, it gave me a headache thinking about it. Even so today turned out to be a happy day (minus the fact that it's my blog's birthday...weee...celebration) I had a smooth sailing 9 hour shift. A lot of unexpected things happened and for some reason I was enjoying the look on people's faces as I surprise them with my abruptness and silly ideas. When was I not silly anyways? Not that I care, I am just living my sweet sweet life.

Speaking of sweet, I finished 2 packs of marshmallows a few hours ago! 2, yes, 2 packs. I loved it! What I did was top it off my usual coffee and savor the aroma and taste. Ah, heavenly was the way to explain how the frothy colorful mixture touched my lips and travelled down my throat, licking my lips never felt this satisfying before. The best way to finish my day.

I'd probably finish the books I have lined up this week end. Yes, I really should. It's been sitting in my bed for weeks now and I keep on complaining that I've no time to read when in fact I do and I just make excuses not to finish and it's a really stupid set up. Surprisingly, even if my days are vapid, I'm kind of just letting it slide.

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I received Yan's email a few hours back. I also received this really weird email form someone I barely knew. I seem to be receiving emails form people I am not expecting to receive emails from. I am really pissed off that NIkkolaison seemed to have forgotten that I exist and I am also pissed off that my plans with Jane cannot move on because of that freaking airline. That airline that will remain anonymous in this blog must really really do something about this really weird way of business they are doing. Geez... I suddenly want to drink a hot cup of Earl Grey and maybe a plate of cold pasta as well. I'll stop thinking for now, my mood is starting to change, faster than Flash Gordon.

I'll be back later to add my latest artworks.

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I will be spending the next 30 days thinking about my next move. I found a shirt (Bench or Penshoppe) that compliments me exactly. The shirt said something like, "One coke a day keeps trouble away.." or something to that effect, my reaction after getting a glimpse of that shirt was so hilarious. Come to think of it they might've have gotten the idea from me...hehehe, just kidding.

I noticed lately that I haven't been as perpetually pissed off as I was before. Although I still get annoyed as fast as lightning I also calm down faster than usual. I noticed though that I've been too busy to visit my parents back home. Remember I mentioned that one of the reasons why I moved here in Davao is to be near them? It feels as if this decision isn't doing anything at all. Or maybe I have a different reason why I agreed to live here, or maybe God Himself has another reason why He allowed me to move here. i so want to know why.

Moving on what can you say about this....I know this girl who wouldn't stop thinking about finding a solution to a problem assigned to her even if it will consume her energy, time and space? I also know this girl who would rather keep on working than eat her lunch? Let me guess, you want to know if I'm actually talking about someone I know or if I'm just shying away from admittance that I'm talking about myself? Okay, I am talking about myself. Say, I'm dedicated maybe? Or I'm just doing what I promised I would? I'm not sure why but I just got used to following rules even if said rules are almost choking me to death...and oh, why do

I seem to be lifting my own chair here? You see there's nothing else to lift except of course your eyebrows...

I have another question...Is my favorite color green? I really thought it was white...but after Alex mentioned that it is green I started rummaging my closet thru my brain and realized yes, most of my clothes are in the green family.

I'll get serious this time....

Where will my perky, sweet, moody, weird, eccentric, crazy, borderline wild, bitchy,corny, loud, silent, secretive, talkative and annoying self take me? Will it take me somewhere in the outskirts of Europe where I'll probably find the best pasta dishes and red wine? Will it take me to Australia where I might actually start learning how to swim? Will it take me to the United States even if I don't want to? Will it take me to Singapore where my "strict compliance" attitude will be tested in a daily basis? Or will it take me where everything started? If its the latter the only question I'd need to answer will be, where did everything start?

Ahhh, I guess I need to answer this question 12 months later.

a list of priorities and then some

It was one of those days when I'm really tired that even a cup of steaming, delicious and spicy bowl of soup cannot wake me up. I suppose it's because I've been filled with unending and seemingly useless trivialities of life. I had a chance to make a short visit with an old friend yesterday and I realized in her eyes I'm the type who does whatever I like, have I thought of it or not. Simply true. well, maybe not entirely. It's surprising that I haven't found a "Jane" here in Davao. I know there's only one Jane in the entire universe but I'm looking for at least one that's almost like her. I'd settle for an "almost like her." You know someone who uses her brain to think before talking and someone who actually knows what she's talking about and someone who genuinely cares. You might've have noticed that I haven't written anything interesting or at least something you'd spend a minute or two reading. I'll give you an excuse, I haven't done anything news worthy. I'm still doing the same old stuff I did back in Manila only this time there's no Starbucks, Wendy's or Subway. I still live alone. I still go shopping alone. I still don't know who to say no to pleas and favors. I still get easily pissed off at inane conversations. I still make my own fashion statement. I still go to work on foot. I still walk home alone. I still love rain walks. I still haven't found the most delicious bowl of ramen. No, I'm not complaining I'm just bored. this boredom is going borderline crazy.

Last night I went to the mall to buy dinner. I can feel the wind whirling all around and I felt that it's going to rain but I still opted to make my way to SM. Then it rained, heavenly. I've always loved rain and then that night it made me notice how children are like. I don't like hanging out with kids but watching them is something else. I saw someone around the age of 8 who used his flimsy white shirt to cover his head from the angry rain. It didn't do squat. I saw two little girls with their arms outstretched from their bedroom window. I saw a big brother who was protecting his very young sister from the rain and wind. Then I thought, this is very tiring and it's making me sleepy. So i moved on to my next task. How do I reach SM's without getting soaked all throughout. After a minute of personal battle I was able to finish the task without risking broken bones and getting a flu. Hmm, come to think about it, it might have something to do with my bad mood today. Oh before I forget, don't you just hate it when salespeople just wouldn't quit upselling even if you've already said NO a million times? Like even if your face shows how annoyed and uninterested you are they'd still push and push until you either 1.) give in or 2.) scream bloody hell? I've done both, sometimes at the same time, sometimes one at a time. Weird thing is last night I didn't do anything all I did was look at the counter person in the eye and give her a look with a flash of annoyance. Boy, did she move on. So I waved my cash under her nose and said, "Listen, I'm hungry and soaked wet. Please let me have my meal." She quickly rang the register, prepared my meal and pushed the tray towards me. I didn't finish my meal. I felt like throwing up after looking at how disgustingly oily fried chicken is. I ended up buying a meter of purple ribbon and a friendship bracelet. It's for my shirt I'm customizing it yet again. I was told that I looked like a gift and that geeks aren't evil. I didn't give any biting remarks or to be exact I didn't give any remarks at all. yeah, that's how stupid this day is.
Why is it that I have bad mood today? Is it because I'm in the freakin' priority for calls list or because my crush didn't say hi or goodbye before leaving? Or is it because I woke up in the wrong side of the bed? Geez, why am I figuring out why I'm having a bad day. It's not that it's very unusual. And I wonder why I'm wasting my time worrying about this?
I want to talk to Yan. I know I'm pouring salt to an open wound wishing that but still...
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I was received an unexpected gift a few days back. Guess what, it's a book. A book that I actually want to read. I was so happy when I got it. Really.
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This weekend I'm planning on roaming around Davao to look for a good place to eat. I want something different. No more pasta pizza shit. I don't want to go back to that freakin' fake Turkish restaurant though, very disappointing. I guess I should stop typing. My back hurts. My head hurts.
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A few minutes later.
I was just thinking why is it that every time I want to leave people would ask me to stay but when I'm gone nobody cares or lifts a finger about it? I'd love to waste my time in something completely foreign to me tomorrow. Something where it will require me to think and act without getting pissed off. I want to do something that will make me smile later.
Another question, why is it that in Davao they pride themselves as being one of the livable (read: pinapatay ang mga gago) cities and yet it's impossible to walk from home to work without me having to witness kids, drunk kids, playing tennis using bottles of beer as the ball and their bodies as the racket? And may I add, running into a drunk shirtless guy who would actually try to stick his face in my own darned business? A follow up question, why on earth am I complaining? I know why, it's because I hate being messed with. I hate it when people bother me. I hate it when things doesn't go my way. Yes, it's my way or the highway. Yes, that's how bossy I am. Yes, I admit how bitchy I could get.

what the f***?!

I do not know where to start. here I am again in the position where I'm not really lost but I really don't know where I am. I'm really pissed off about all the things that is surrounding me and I just hate hate it. I feel like crying as well AND I also feel like KILLING someone. Nope, I wasn't abused today. I just feel as if my efforts at living a good lifestyle and working really good at being a nice human being is being balled up into a big crumpled brown paper bag and being tossed into a smelly disgusting trash can. A friend of mine once mentioned that my blog is the only one she reads because I'm not the usual ranting and raving kind. Today I beg to be different. I am the kind of person who cares about things even if I say I don't. That's just how I am. I'd care even if you keep on scandalizing or harassing me. I'd care even if you were never nice to me (or to any one) as soon as you'd ask for help or whatever. I'm tired of this pathetic charade of shambolic way of being. I am very mad at Ras for being a bitch to me numerous times even if I never did her wrong. I'm annoyed at people who would still backbite you even if you never did them wrong. I hate being treated like trash because I deserve better. I hate the fact that my brains and talent is NOT being utilized for something more rewarding than putting the problems created by others on my shoulders. I hate the fact that even if I am doing something about it I still don't see any change or good results at all. To be more precise I hate being taken for granted. I have feelings too even if I'm a forgiving, understanding and strong person. I also get hurt and it's just horrible because I have no one to lean on when I feel so down and beaten. I don't deserve to be treated this way. I don't. Is it so difficult for anyone in this city to act educated at least? Prior to settling here I heard a million stories about how amazing this place is and how amazing the people are and yet I haven't experienced a tad bit of that broadcast. I've given them second, third and fourth chance and still NOTHING. As I said I'm close to committing a very very bad mistake. It's so frustrating that it's almost bleeding to death.

By the way I am using the company's computer unit today because I don't feel like going to the usual place where COLLEGE students are so noisy that it's a wonder their voices couldn't reach Singapore. I'm also trying to stay away from those annoying kids who keep on asking money, food and the like. No, this has nothing to do with what Ala wrote in here blog(as of late). I've had the same issue and I wrote something about it in my previous entries. I do however agree with her.

Right now my mind is filled with so many if only's.

These if only's just as long as they happen I'd be really really happy.

I want to be happy.

I deserve to be happy, right? I mean I think I do.

About the entry before this. I take it back. I shouldn't have written that. I won't erase it but I am taking back everything I wrote there. Whatever that "idea" was I don't care anymore. Really. I don't. I'm sick and tired of caring. I'm sick and tired of carrying this fucking weight on my shoulders. I'm sick and tired of being a freaking push over. Seriously. I am.

You know what else I'm tired of? I'm tired of waiting for that fucking someone. I'm tired of wishing for a Shred, Nomiya, Danny or Jack in my life. I'm tired of figuring out why I'm attracted to a person who doesn't even know I exist (also, he is gay I think). I mean c'mon, what the hell is wrong with these people?! Or is it me? There's no way I'm taking the advice of those geniuses who thinks they more about life than everybody else. You know what they asked me to do? Here's a list: loosen up, enjoy life, don't say NO to anyone who asks you out, try not to be intimidating. The trouble with the "loosen up" is that I don't have a freakin' idea what it means...the trouble with "enjoy life" is that it's not working...the trouble with "don't say NO to anyone who asks you out" is that NOBODY asks, okay maybe there was but hell I can't bear to even spend a second with him. ...the trouble with "try not to be intimidating" is that there's no way I'm going to change the way I am. I'm no fake that's all.

Sigh. I am such a big mess.

For one day. Please let me be happy.

a place he calls

Main Entry:
ob·sess
Function:
verb
Etymology:
Latin obsessus, past participle of obsidēre to frequent, besiege, from ob- against + sedēre to sit — more at ob-, sit
Date:
1531
transitive verb : to haunt or excessively preoccupy the mind of (www.m-w.com)

I'm obsessed with this silly idea. An idea that I promised I wouldn't even think of. However it's such a deliecious of an idea that I can't keep thinking about it. Even Tristan's presence is not helping. I'm not sure if this will last though as far as I'm concerned the moment I see something disgusting the fascination is gone. So yeah, maybe he is just a passing fancy. Unless he is obsessed too. Now that would be a entirley different story.
Few more days and I'm finally free to pursue my dreams. I already know that I can do this and that no matter how hard or rocky the road may be I would still make my way through even if it means I'd crawl.
Hmm, you know what makes me smile this days? My daily horoscope. yes, you heard it right. Horoscope. So maybe I'm not a believer but it seems to me that this tiny daily words stringed together to form a prediction just seems to be so right or its simply what I wished to hear.

the cardinals my sangria and your universe

Divisional Playoffs January 18, 2009. Philadelphia vs Cardinals 25-32 amazing play specially for Larry Fitzgerald and the rest of the Cardinals (even if I am an Eagles fan). Still my praises to Westbrook and Mcnabb my favorite players. I'd love to say more but I wasn't able to watch the entire game so lack of game time is my excuse today. I'm looking forward to this Sunday's finals.

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A couple of nights ago i joined my teammates for a night of supposed fun and well fun. It was held somewhere close to the mountains and running water. After shift (at around 2.15 pm) I went home half running to gather my stuff and take a cab to NCCCCCCCCCCCC to meet Irish, Cherry and Osmund. I broke a record because my grocery shopping lasted only 15 minutes instead of the usual 60 minutes for 20 items. I was assigned to prepare and cook any pasta dish I can think of. I decided to make my Tuna with Sangria and Cheesy Sweet red pasta. I was praised afterwards. At first I didn't think about it that much since I know that I do cook well (I'm not bragging just a fact) and I was expecting they'd like it until I heard someone say that every time I talk about cooking and my manner of cooking or the ingredients I use they think I'm all talk and rubbish. So once again one point for Cane!

Let me tell you what happened. We arrived late at the location. We had to trek miles and miles( okay so maybe it was only about 20 meters but it was so dark and muddy that I thought we were walking forever already) going to the resort. Most of them went swimming but since my skin will go berserk again I decided to keep myself dry and warm by taking care of our dinner together with few others. Overall it wasn't something I'd tell my grand kids and I hated the fact that most of the words that came out of the men's mouths were explicit and beep worthy. So let's move on.

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Something interesting is going my way but I'd rather not think or talk about it that much. I'd be disappointed again. So I digress.

I 've been thinking why is that most human being's reaction or comment when they meet me is that I'm either weird and then they'd be expecting me to act normal? Last week I was told that I really think differently. I was sharing an opinion I received after talking about my good friend Nikkolaison. You might notice that I always talk and share things either about Nikkolaison or Jane but this time let me focus on Nikkolaison. So I was talking about how a good a friend he is and that I'm always wondering why his girlfriends don't see that blah blah blah. Then suddenly I'd hear someone say. "what is you guys fall inlove etc etc..." and my smile would turn into a frown and say something like, "That's impossible." then I'd hear a reply, "you can't talk with a period," then I'd say, "Of course I can." The thing that irritates me is that why do people always go to that assumption that Nikkolaison and I are meant for each other? Come freakin' on! I like the guy, I consider him a friend but that's it. No more no less. If Nikkolaison happened to be a girl would they be saying the same thing? I don't know why it's so difficult for these specific people to distinguish the difference between friendship and love. Geez. I now wish I never told anyone I never had a boyfriend. I can deal with the humiliation that little fact would bring but man, I can't deal with the exasperation it attracts. Seriously, I sometimes feel as if I'd rather put my brain in a jar and keep it somewhere severely cold and dark. Am I doomed?

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Your Universe

Rico Blanco

Tell me something

When the rain falls on my face

How do you quickly replace it

with a golden summer smile?
Tell me something

When i'm feelin' tired and afraid

How do you know just what to say

To make everything alright?
I don't think that you even realize

The joy you make me feel when i'm inside your universe

You hold me like i'm the one who's precious

I hate to break it to you but its just

The other way around

You can thank your stars all you want but

I'll always be the lucky one
Tell me something

When i'm 'bout to lose control

How do you patiently hold

My hand and gently calm me down?
Tell me something

When you sing and when you laugh

Why do i always photograph

My heart flyin way above the clouds?

take it easy tiger

It's supposed to be easy. I draw all the paperworks errand the necessary errands and work my ass off. Easy right? Yes, it sure is but (here goes the but) this isn't the one I was preparing for, this isn't the one I have been waiting for. A couple of weeks ago I handed over my resignation letter. Yes, you heard it right, resignation letter. A lot are wondering why and they're even suggesting I shouldn't resign since I happen to exceed the appointed metrics yadda yadda. I resigned because I knew from the very beginning I signed over the dotted line that I wouldn't last a month or less in this industry again. Seriously my stupidity runs deep and wild. The thing that upsets me though is how our supervisor acts. I am not being irrational or moody because I am not the only one complaining. Yes, if you round up all of our opinions it boils down to her undeserved position. I was absent for a two days (not in succession) because of an uncle's death, an illness and a friend's arrival. I admit and accept and take responsibility for the results my actions delivered. What annoyed was that she implied(however she denies) that I don't care since I already passed my resignation which is stupid because if I didn't care why did I bother typing, printing and passing a freakin resignation letter? If i didn't care then I should've just stopped working, make sense? This is how she said it, ...the message you're sending to the blah blah blah is that you don't care.." This is what I have to say (for incompetence) the message the company's sending to us is that they don't know what they're doing when they hired you."I can't belive she didn't even appreciate the fact that (aside from one more groupmate) I contributed a lot in brining the entire team to the number 1 ranking. That's why what happened over the week drove me even more into striving a little harder into achieving my initial goal. I'm willing to bet my life for it.
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Transporter 3.
Jason Statham is nothing short of brilliant.
There's no reason why I shouldn't love him.
Valentina is freakin hot.
Oh yeah, a well deserved afternoon.

jane?

hey there dearest friend...yes, i'll post some pics soon...you were online huh?

about ross

Last Saturday a friend from work arrived for a short visit. We decided to hang out in a local bar for some beers and long talks. We texted and called a lot but only four of us stayed the entire night Leh, April, Osmund and myself. We also ended up ordering 4 buckets of beer (5 bottles each bucket) and three orders of kropek and four orders of salted peanut. Here's a pic, okay so maybe this isn't the exact bucket that was delivered at our table but I can't find any other picture so... Also, why is it that the bar we went to made people request a song or two hand them to the band and they end up NOT singing any of the songs requested but rather singing the songs THEY want?

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I made another huge decision. I pray that it will go my way. I would really really appreciate it if my plans go my way. I somehow have this feeling that my brain is stuck somewhere and no matter how I try to yank it it just won't free itself. I purchased Edith Wharton's Age of Innocence over three weeks ago and I still haven't finished it. which is odd because once I start reading page 1 I can't be stopped. Just look at what happened with Sophie Kinsella's Can You Keep A Secret? I laid my eyes on it and before the day ended I've finished reading the book. I even thought it was an embarrassing thing to admit (that I read Sophie Kinsella) but I have always loved her humor and intelligence that I didn't mind paying for a new book. Going back to Ms. Wharton's book, the attraction between the book and myself was evident as I skimmed through the preview of the book. You see I was planning to buy a F. Scott Fitzgerald book but I couldn't find one and since I promised myself I'd continue buying books written and published in the early 1900's I decided to look for one and I found Age of Innocence. I loved the sugar coated evil that lurked all around the so called true New Yorkers at Mr. Archer's social circle. I love the fact that however they try to be cordial and pleasant those dirty and ugly words suppressed in their throat would still come out. It's a character that even today is so evident and I find it disgusting. I hate "plasticity". I hate those people who pretend they love you and trash talk you every time your back is turned. I hate those kind of people who would reprimand other people that this kind of behaviour is unacceptable when in fact they are actually talking about themselves unknowingly or whatnot. I wouldn't have blurted an opinion about this but I was hurt and took offense about what I found out the other day. I hate the fact that just because I am ugly then I deserve to be looked down at and to be made fun of. I wanted to tell that person how horrible a person she is but it would really be just a waste of time. Instead I'd write it here and hope that I'll have enough strength to ignore it without getting worked up.

It's so difficult for me to deal with this kind of environment where I couldn't find Jane and I'm losing my mind. I miss having a real conversation. A conversation that is not based on movies, comics and Tia Dely's words of wisdom. I mean c'mon, why is it that every time I say that Nikkolaison is a really nice guy and that I consider him a real friend, people would always direct their thoughts this way, "what if you guys get together yadda yadda yadda...he might end up to be your one true love blah blah blah..." I find that idea vapid. I am talking with a period because Nikkolaison and I are just friends, that's it. Is it so strange for a girl to say she loves a guy with no malice at all? I don't think so. For the record there is nothing going between Nikkolaison and I. NOTHING. Maybe I should calm down, these people only knew of Nikkolaison thru my stories! They never saw us together! Dang! I so need to calm down.

Right. I feel the need for speed. I want to murder someone. Grrr, why is it that when individuals get really annoyed they feel as if they coudl murder anyone? hahahaha...

a new year

Yes, I know that's the most uninspired blog title I have ever written but I know it's also the perfect title. Most of you guys know that I have been spending my Christmas and New Year alone, right? I had been doing that in the past 6 years, but this time I was previledged to wait for 2009 with friends. I also had the chance to create a new pasta recipe that I'd call: Sangria and Spicy Tuna ala Cane. I don't know why or how I came up with that recipe but I so loved the taste and aroma of it.

What I did in the past week:
purchased new sneakers
purchased new skirt/dress
watched 2009 predictions and celebrations
watched Baler
made new friends
listened to a cab driver's tale about life and love
shrieked in horror as I dropped a bottle of Sangria
run like mad all around town distracting myself from the festivities
complained that I had to work the entire holiday season
looked for a bluer, not greener, pasture
prayed that I'd finally get the job I have always wanted
e-mailed a happy new year message to all my friends around the world
achieved rank 34[out of 300++]even if I just started working 2 weeks ago
started writing my novel
added new drawings for my collection
started reading Age of Innocence
ruminated as to why I'm still single
wondered why He won't give me "a special someone"


This is going to be a very busy year. I'm sure it will be.