a hyperbole

I am not even supposed to be here. Not for this reason. After what happened tonight I know I made the right decision. I know I hate good byes but good byes like what I just did is the best thing I can do for him but most especially for me. There's really nothing else I can do about it. I knew that since this whole insanity started. I can't even believe I held on for that long. A very long time.
This is not how I want this to be. I am a grown up, I should know. Funny thing is, i prepared myself for a pain that runs from head to toe and it didn't happen. I have no idea why, whatever the reason was only God knows.
Hmm, we'll see.

sail on

I am going to share something, a dream that keeps on playing in my head. The dream to tell you frankly is one of the worst fears I have. In that dream, I am the only survivor of a ship wreck. Why am I scared? Because I don't know why I am te only survivor. I don't know who didn't make it. I don't think that dream won't occur that often if it's not telling me something.

What could that something be?

http://youtube.com/watch?v=mF0scfQ7_so

punyeta naman, punyeta talaga

as a matter of fact

As I glare at my on reflection in my room mate's mirror, it suddenly occured to me that I have no idea what's going on. Maybe this is horror. Hmm, more likely a confusion. Definitely a confusion.

So, this is what it feels like. This is what it feels like to be invisible. Isn't it what I've always wanted so why do I feel like shit?

I go on staring at myself. It's 2pm in humid Manila and I'm perspiring like a Chinese water torture. I'm still not getting anything. It's like I ran out of ideas. I cannot just go ahead and forgive myself. I deserve this. I know very well how it feels like to do something unforgivable. I'm thinking there's a reason or an explanation on what happened. I got tired of running away and I desperately needed a human connection. At that time, he provided it. Was I abusive, I guess. I'd also mistaken the connection into passion. I've been weak. It's not going to happen again.

Hell, my mind is playing a cruel trick on me. Where did that feeling come from? I really don't understand anything about it. I don't know who started it. I don't want to know. He deserves something better. He had enough miseries already and the lat thing he needs is me.

think about it

At the end I thought I'd see myself die. Although I am always in eager anticipation of this event i am still couded with uneasiness. I talked it over with my childhood friend Mae last week end. She wasactually surprised at the same time amused at my confession. I'm just desperate to shop, eat like a pig and such. I'm like paying my heart some needed attention. But, you know, you can't really put a price on a broken heart isn't it? I wouldn't know. Is m y heart really broken? How? If it is broken I can say it's funny I never noticed. Mae, kept on rambling that we're already 25 and yet still single and never was a better half of a couple. It's not lu\ike I'm feeling sorry for myself. Although i am used to doing things alone (watching movies, dining out etc) i still get lonely. There would be times and things that I just cannot share with my family or friends. With friends most of them don't really pay attention to you, even if they say they do. With my family, uh, well there are "matters" they'd rather not hear. So it would be good, pleasant to have this individual who'd appreciate the time your sharing with them. It's just hard to look for thjat person. Why is it too hard? Peole say I'm funny, easy to chat with blah blah but. There. i said it, there's always a "but". Surely there's someone there somewhere. Or maybe its because I already found that someone but somebody took him from me.

What Sarah Said

And it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU that reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breathes as I said to myself that I'd already taken too much today
As each descending peak of the LCD took you a little farther away from me
Away from me
Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines in a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds
But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground as the TV entertained itself'
Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes round and everyone will lift their heads
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said that "Love is watching someone die"
So who's going to watch you die?..

technology is good, God is way better

God is so good. Really good. I know he knows that I always try my very best not to embarass Him in any way. All the trials and hardships (ie doing my own laundry) helped me pave the way to a better life or well, slose to it. I am going home on August 1st!!!
Yehey!!!

I am so excited I should stop jumping or I'll hurt myself. now, the only thing I'd be doing is to enjoy my last couple of weeks here watching movies and dining out less. The only worry I have left is when will IHG really release my backpay. i am holding onto the accounting Manager's word that it's going to be on the 25th or else I'd be dead or worse. So, today is july 12. July 12 is the opening day of Harry Potter!!!

I'm off for now but Thank YOU again.

I am watching this tonight

from yesterday

isn't funny that life is almost a cycle already? Like what happened to me, yesterday iw as the happiest freak in the world and today I'm so glum. You see, the scheduled signing of clearance was cancelled because the supervisor who was promised to me to be here today is absent. i am not a 'someone" to feel so dessolate about it but I am just pissed of because for me a schedule is a schedule. Damn. That's why i decided to focus on chewing this pink taffy in full concentration. I like it chewy but I hate it for being too hard and thick! I love candy I mean who doesn't? m&ms, gummy bears, mint bars...






...what i like best is popping a White Rabbit before gnashing Maxx's lemon candy every after meal. Yum. makes me feel better. The good part doesn't stay long though and i start to have this funny feeling in my stomach few minutes after. I'd get cranky or agitated and its not a good sight so i'll stop talking about it.

Back to my cycle story....No, wait, i won't go back there, i'd rather just type this off..

First friday!

You won't believe how happy I am right now. It's more than just a walk in the clouds, it's my last day at work tomorrow! woohoo! This is the best decision i've ever made so far. Probably the sanest as well. Oh and I'm still broke and broken, thank God for small favors though and thank you very much to my mum and dad for taking care fo me even if I'm the lousiest shit daughter they have. Amen. So, what am I going to do in the next 4 weeks following my resignation...Hmmm....minus going to movies and sleeping i'd try shopping in divisoria alone (I might still change my mind). I'd also visit these fabulous cafes and restaurants..I am going to visit my friends that I've sucessfully stayed away from in the past year. what else....ah, too many things to do, too little time.


hey, I just discovered Death Cab for Cutie. All i can say is - WoW.


Waaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!! gusto ko ng pizza! yung pang 3 tao at ako lng kakain!!! waaaaaaaaaaaa

******I hope someone out there is reading this post...I want a going away gift****

weheehhee..I'm shameless. But really, I'd love you forEver if you do and no perishable goods please. *wink wink*

from superbianca.blogspot.com

1. what is your favorite word?
FUNNY

2. what is your least favorite word?
JOKE

3. what turns you on?
STRENGHT

4. what turns you off?
Being irresponsible

5. what sound or noise do you love?
rain drops

6. what sound or noise do you hate?
loud music

7. what is your favorite curse word?
dammit

8. what profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Theater actress

9. what profession would you not like to do?
Public Official

10. if HEAVEN exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
"So, you made it."