why i want to be gaia

If you know Gaia, you wouldn't argue with me. She is powerful. She is graceful. She is angry. She is pure. She is raw. She is alone. She is just like you and me. But she's not -- she is Fearless. She's a girl whose unclouded by emotions. She's a girl who is so beautiful and she doesn't know -- or care. she is loved by Shred. She is blackbelt in Karate (and other martial arts). She is fluent in six languages. She is smart and her sense of humor is always at lose. You see, maybe just maybe, if I was here that idiot Ian would look at me. he would really look at me and he won't even dare turn his head away.
I am going home in the next couple of days and all I'm ever thinking is HIM. I hope to see him, even a glimpse would suffice the longing I've since seven years ago. If i see him again then I wish, fervently wish, that he would see me and suddenly give up everything just to be with me. He won't even ask me to cut my salt and sugar intake. This is crazy, i know, and it sucks. Sucks big time. I wish I never told anyone about him. I wish I don't have friends. friends makes me weak. And I am not weak. wherever my life is leading I know that there would always be a "Gaia" portion that would remind me how to be invisible.
Why am i obsessed with being thin? Its already a fatc that my clothes won't fit anymore. Then there's another fact that I don't want to buy new clothes. Then there's this thing about me being a gluton. since when did i behave like a useless freak? I'll stop. I'll stop all this ramdon stupidity. Once the chrsalys is broken then I'm ready. Ready for a kill.