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caramel ice: January 2007
caramel ice
malayang sining (Filipino) translates to free art. This blog is another dimension where I share some of my artworks in paper or words
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
down to zero
This is so over. I have been allowing myself to get stuck in this limbo of sugar coated sour dripping bullshit. I am such a well, I've called myself alot of names before and nothing worked in convincing me to do what I should've done. Today is my blog's birthday and I haven't written anything seriously praise-worthy. I have a serious problem here. Hmmm. What can I say... well, I did start looking for something a lot better than this trash, I have to scratch it because it cost too much. 9I meant getting a short Baking Course in CCA). I still am on the process of finding ways to maybe get a scholarship, "roughly 350,000 php" isn't OK for me.
Last week, I went to see the film "Blood Diamond" starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Jennifer Connelly and Djimon Hounsou (sp?). It was set against the backdrop of Civil war in the 90's and you probably have an idea at least about the movie so I'll shut up. I am a Djimon Hounsou fan that's why I watched the movie. Surprise surprise I was also impressed by Leo's acting. Moving on, the movie made my impression of the Civil War clearer. I studied Political science and we have browsed throuogh this topic before but never was I educated until I have watched the movie. Knowing the faith of child soldiers, brainwashed, killers such a sad sad faith. Of course it helped that the screenplay was well, convincing. So, why am I asking if I still want to go away. Its because "away" is home. Home is so far that beautiful movies like this would only be watched on cable TV and I am not satisfied with that. a bit selfish? Maybe but who else am I going to take care of?
I was thinking I really should get my butt out of this labyrinth, find my way out to the world where my heart is. Film making. I just need 3 months more. That awful girl behind me can go to hell.
when was the last time i really wrote somethig sensible enough? a week ago? make it 2 months ago. I can't say I am not bothered with this lack of enthusiasm but what can i do? There is abolutely NOTHING going on with my life. No more long walks, no more running, no more hanging out in a coffee shop, no more anything. I am such a waste of energy and God given gift of life. It was the christmas season and I suppose you think I should have a story line to line up but blah, christmas season a the biggest waste sucker of my time. I hate the "politically incorrect" and overused christmas festivities. I hate the seemingly endless, "It's christmas-we-should-say-sorry--be-friends-again-froufrou scheme. Its just so trite and well, wrong to put it mildy. It wasn't even because I spent it alone once more. I don't and never will feel sorry for myself because I was asleep by 4pm instead of awake until 4am last December 24 (and December 31). I was content with my Christmas mass early morning of the 25th. And I will shut up now.
I started sketching again, back to basics. I am done with 2 creations. The first one was the hillside home theme, the grass-capped houses and a river on front. The second is the broken flowers collection, the title tells it all. Considering my seemingly short attention span I'd be sick of this art thing by tomorrow. Whatever. I can't just put my talent into waste. I'm planning on a road trip this April. Hah. i miss backpacking. Travelling alone is the best theraphy. A tired soul needs nothing more. I just finished Mr. Patterson's Violets are Blue Alex Cross installment and i was so disappointed. It was a bad bad book. I'm sorry I don't mind paying for all his books, bookstore fresh, but man, I was hit hard with bam! on that one. Tsk tsk. I'm still buying another form him anyway.
