when it rains, it pours

let me tell you, in the Philippines, when it rains, it pours. Good thing yesterday, I got into the restaurant before it went all crazy. My friends and I had post lunch, sort of a monthly thing and it was fun. It was my turn to pay for the bill and well, it was uh, hmm...never mind.
I'm bored. I better go find something to do. Okay, no i should write something, anything. I have been putting this off for some time and I owe this blog and those who never read it a little something. In the past few days nothing remarkable happened. Not that there's always something remarkable that is happening to me, but what the fuck. To me it is remarkable when someone says thank you for anything that is done, offered or given to them. in jeepneys i really despise it when people never say "thank you" or "please" when they are handing out their fare to the driver. I hate it especially when its an old person who thinks that he/she owns all the "seniority previleges" in the world. Ok, so I hate it whoever does it. Period. I might be sarcastic but I've learned to shut my mouth for times like this. I just pray to God that they may one day realize their mistake. Maybe I am wishing too much that everyone should be at their best all the time. I mean, its just a simple "thank you". I also think that it has something to do with where and how they were brought up. My family is deeply religious (i am not that religious though), conservative (in one aspect in my life, yes) and decent (of course i am decent). so maybe that's why i know how to behave properly. accordingly. now, this community we live in knows what is wrong and right. they just are too lazy to obey or too proud to follow?



lebanon.
what is happening to the world? there's war all the time. i had a call today from a lady who's family was afflicted with the war in Lebanon. I can say that she was almost crying, Holiday Inn of course didn't do what should have been done and the lady was passed from one person to another for simple piece of paper she's more than willing to fill up and give back to the hotel. amazing huh, i feel bad really. i feel my heartstring being tugged at. but, what can i do? my powers are very limited when it comes to IHG.
In my present state of mind. all I wanted to make everything stay as nice as possible. who wouldn't be irritated? Someone stole Gracie's pink water dispenser and even Belle's starbucks mug days ago. what the hell is wrong with these people? And for the love of my beautiful tan, why does it have to happen within my peripheral vision without me witnessing it. I wish I could plug in a hidden camera or whatever.
Ok, i'm so hungry. Gotta run. bye

a thousand miles--vanessa carlton

Makin' my way downtown,
Walkin' fast,
Faces pass and I'm homebound.

Starin' blankly ahead,
Just makin' my way,
Makin' a way through the crowd.

And I need you,
And I miss you,
And now I wonder...

If I could fall into the sky,
Do you think time
would pass me by?
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you...
Tonight.

It's always times like these
When I think of you,
And wonder if you ever think of me.

'Cause everything's so wrong
And I don't belong.
Livin' in your precious memory.

'Cause I need you,
And I miss you,
And now I wonder...

If I could fall into the sky,
Do you think time
would pass me by?
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you...
Tonight.

I, I, don't wanna let you know
I, I, drown in your memory.
I, I, don't wanna let this go.
I, I, don't.

Makin' my way downtown,
Walkin' fast,
Faces pass and I'm homebound.

Starin' blankly ahead,
Just makin' my way,
Makin' a way through the crowd.

And I still need you,
And I still miss you,
And now I wonder...

If I could fall into the sky,
Do you think time
Would pass.. us by?
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you...

oh oh

If I could fall into the sky,
Do you think time would pass me by?
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you.

If I could just hold you....
Tonight.


-----

since when did i ever had a whole week without an emotional barrier to think of? I mean, gawd why should i even worry about it? is it because i am too emotional? is it because i care too much? is it because i can't contain a day without making sure that i made the right decision? why is it that no one sees the good side of "anything" i do? they perceive as this mean witch. it hurts and i don't even deserve the pain...

I was so over the phase where i didn't care about anything. A phase where it's all about me, myself and i. and it sucks bigtime that this has to happen. take for instance this gurl who blurted out loud that she'd love to read one of my works..and she said it as if "i didn't have any right at all, or guts, to be a writer.." i was like, uh. lady i gave you the web link a month ago...what's this? kind of a show? fuck her.


so my new plan is. be stoic.

and well, don't get to know anyone you think "special". whatever that meant...

bye...and here's one thing I got from G-

Prey on the old and you're a coward.
Prey on the young and you're pathetic.
Prey on the weak and you're even weaker.
Prey on my friends and you're history.


----

okay, so what's the point to being freak when I can't have fun once in a while. i suppose you noticed that i always introduce an normal experience in a very abnormal way. and you never thought it was possibel. hah! i must stop doing this, i should stop before i tear myself apart.

by this time

i am the kind of person who would always believe in the best in every human being. I trust my instinc really well. the only time this thing is broken is when that certain human being himself decided to be an asshole. I don't mind really if you ask me. i am just so sick and tired of people who would always misinterpret me and claim that i am bullying them. God knows I don't. see what happened to "that" guy, i went forward and said sorry for being a jerk and then "asked" him to be available on saturday and he goes blabbing that i was bitching him. the bitch! i am very very angry.

there's one thing i haven't told you though. NS is working for the best of me. It is keeping my faith glued together. oh and i could really be such a jerk, someone was smiling at me earlier and i just dismissed the idea that it was me he was smiling at. sigh. i think i'm blind. uh, more blind than usual.

sorry you...

Lord's Plan?

It was one for those days when I was too lazy to hurry things up. as i usually don't do, i procrastinanted for like 10 minutes to chat for a while with some friends. They were talking about the book of Revelation and their own theories of the End of the World. The topic naturally went to what's going to happen, what they should do, yaddi yadda. Then this girl said, "what would I do if I married my bf and then the worl'd suddenly "will not" end?" They were all laughing I threw in a couple of hahas..What struck me though was that, minus the fact that she's like uh, "Sally". she also pointed out that she knew about SK. It was good to shut my mouth up. I mean, she was doing all those talks and I was just sitting there with amusement. Like, uh, girlie, I lived there for years...You only stayed in the place for like 2 months. yeah so, i'll shut up. You get my point.

I decided also that I should start looking forward to things, good things, that would come for me to get over my "boredom" state. It works wonders! Time ticks faster. People looks more beautiful. Life seems easier. I don't curse that much anymore. wink* wink*


so, i am still annoyed at what happened between me and her. I really don;t know what to do, about it i mean.but hell. i'd rather forget it for now.

hmm...i really have this belief that i am paranoid 85% of the time. hysterical right?

for the love of me

i hated what happened last sunday. it was like a big whack on my face. how could she in the name of God bring that girl with her when she obviously knows i'd love to spend "alone-time" with her. then that girl would tell me that stupid i-can't-just-leave-her-on-her-own speech as if she could prevent anything disastrous that might come along their way. wonderul isn't it? it was so wonderful it gave me a fresh load of stirring headache. it numbed my senses so bad i had to ask that wailing thing in place to please shut her trap up. sigh, how could things be this awful. after my 8 hour headache subsided (with the help of 1 advil and a bowl of soup) i decided to just stare outside my window and look at what people are doing. nothing exciting, it just made my day super worse. my life is such a bore. anyhow, i am slowly as promised id going back to the Lord. I am hoping for better, more cheerful, fulfilled days because of that.

okay so i can't say anything more.
oh by the way...i sooo love JD's movie!!!!!


woowhooo!!!!

i am too excited for the third installment.

"D

e-ring

there's nothing much to say if you ask me about what happened tonight. i just have this feeling of utter boredom, annoyance, loss and anger all held up inside of me. there is no reason for me to be angry at anyone. i always never held anything against anyone even if for the longest time all they did was to crush me under their perfect feet. what other people say about me doesn't really bother me. but i would be lying if i tell you it never played in my brain. i think about it sometimes, then after a whole lot of debating against myself i'd completely forget about it until some moron would remind me of it. i know i am not like the others. but i sure hope that they'd considering too that i am human being after all. i have feelings. i have feelings. one time when all this craziness around me dies i would just like to kneel down and pray to God and thank Him for still being with me all the time. i haven't been available for Him for a long time and I am trying so hard to pay my debt. i don't know if the Lord Almighty even consider it my debt but whatever. i wouldn't know what it felt like for Landon to go through everything when he was seventeen. truly moving and inspiring. i sure would take a part of that story in me.

all right. so i am not angry anymore. talk soon.

enjoy your coffee

i used to be a coffee addict. not because i so love coffee but because i read somewhere that my favorite actress at that time loves coffee. don't blame me, i was 9. i love the taste though especially if its brewed. but it should be in a large large mug, half full cream milk and half brewed. now, the reason i am yaddi yaddying about this is because a good friend of mine sent me this:


Author Unknown--

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

When all his former students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and were eyeing each other's cups. Now consider this: Life is the coffee, and the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and do not change the quality of Life. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided."

So, don't let the cups drive you... enjoy the coffee instead.

----------

Nothing fancy just a simple fact on life. Let me tell you, I never felt stress coming over me. I complain yeah but that's because everybody else complains and i am the only one left who haven't spoken a word, so i go along. i am pretty much content with what i have in my life. as long as im breathing i'm fine. i am a survivor. i am not weak. to be honest, i hate what i'm starting to beccome lately. i'm trying to impress someone i guess. i decided to "be scared of creepy little things" "i decided to flip my damn hair all the time" gawd its boring me to death.
work load is just enough. nothing to worry about even. my parents are cool. they never ask me cash from my salary. in fat i am the one who asks from them. which is shameful, tssss. so, yeah i am just fine. i have good friends who are still my friends from way back when i was still stupid.
so what am i supposed to be stressed out about?
nothing, right?

okay so what i am going through now is not stress. this is just headache.
great.

shoot i'm back...

maybe there is a reason for me to be stressed.

remember that anecdote or something about "too much is bad"? stuff? anyway i think its getting under my nerves...this stupid, non-stop rain is making me sick really sick. i love it when its raining but, all day all night..pouring rain? no waaaayyy!!!

damn, i'm off...i'm reading "a walk to remember" again...*sigh*

you make me shiver

all right babies, last week was a disaster week. that is because of my health problems. damn, i hate it when it rains and I get sick. i'm not used to this kind of bull. anyways, i was laughing out loud at myself earlier because i didn't know that i have a thang for uh, not-taller-than-me-boys ...hahaha funny...it all started with allen paul..

we had a late lunch groupie courtesy of Nikkolai earlier today. It was super! so super! hahaha.. seriously there was nothing remarkable only that i was amused with the idea that uh, well. i was just amused...

so, okay, i didn't have enough sleep because of that and now i am so surpirsed i am not sweepy at all. blame it to the weatherman. hmmm, have you noticed? I barely eat lately. i mean, excluding the days i have my period. and i am not at all hungry. all right, my BS is coming over 2 months from now. Can't say I'm excited. to be honest i am both annoyed and petrified. it's like,"what the hell do you need form me?" i hate it especially when my fuckin father blabs about " the poor kid, with God's help yadda yadda.." i know that already. i just don't know how to process my feelings for her. for them. all of them. please please dear God, let me be a human being by not thinking anything ill for them. just let them be away from me. i don't think i can handle her being close to me or whatever. i am just so done with the sorry stuff.

last last week i was sick and i used that as a stupid reason to get to point b. besides point b is where the cure is right? nurse and medicines and all? it's not like i am looking for someone. except that i was. not to talk. not to be with. just see. a simple glimpse. that's all i neede but super, i needed it like i need oxygen. and i got what i want. excatly as i wanted it. super genius!

all right let me continue my tirade over that stupendous caller i had earlier...
he was actually asking me to be his bitch..isn't he a double crap?
very. much.
gawd.

anyhow, i was thinking maybe i should try taking a single sip of that yummy cola...
haven't had one in ages...i miss it...


okay im off

like a tornado

my brain is in contant motion as of today. there is a big bad storm going on. why, i have a headache. maybe this is fever or flu or is it the same ? it doesn't matter. for now i just need some meds to keep me OK. oh and yeah yesterday on my way out to buy "taho" all time favorite...i witnessed an inspiring but somewhat funny scene. The RCBC External security Guard has itrs back turned away from the main road.. now what happened was, the signage (made of tin and wood) suddenly went havoc because of the strong wind. he was like, hand automatic on his gun, ready to pull (not ready to fire) and then just laughed out loud to himself when he realized what happened. haha. at aleast i know these security guards are alert. hopefully more alert than i am.


all right. rest day. i'm sick .

was it yesterday?

all right, yesterday was a sucker day. bad bad one.
i can't begin to explain how bad it was.
so i'll stop now

see ya

no more tapa king for me

i should have just settled for my biggie cup of taho. silly me, due to uncertain hunger welling up my senses i decided to buy longganisa something something at tapa king. lo and behold, it was yuck. tang ina! walang kalasa-lasa. TAPA KING I HATE YOU!!!!


okay, bye now

top ten life's greatest pleasure -fr:mioparedes

10. Having a half-full (haha) breakfast prepared by my mum. It should consist her classic sunny side up, crusty/salty fried rice, tuyo, hot milk and guava jam!

09. Lying in my brother's neatly tucked bed while watching TV that is mostly about switching channels 2 seconds before a show ends. This is best done when a family member is intently watching the show.

08. Running around our backyard, frontyard, sideyard whatever yard with my brother running after me, half naked with his water gun. It is always better everytime I slip.

07. Having my brother do all the chores I'm supposed to do. The best part? Watching him complain to my mum who by the way can't do anything about it.

06. Eating hot scrambbled eggs in my mum's bedroom at 2am while watching tv.

05. Watching TV non-stop. And I mean non-stop, like 20 hours tops.

04. Having my dad complain while driving downtown to rent videos or when I want to buy something downtown. He would then narrate his poor life as a child, no drivers, no maids, no nothing. The best part is when he pinpoints my mistakes one by one and I counter him by saying, "Poppy, i might be a biatch but at least I didn't get pregnant while in school the way your beloved goddaughter did..." haha. you should see how he looks. gawd, parents they're such pain in my ass.

03. Having late night ice cream with my ex-bff Regienald. This is when he is not too lazy to pick me up in my other ex-bff's apartment on a tuesday night. he would pretend that he badly need a study partner in Accounting 101 and that ice cream makes him relax but he can't pay for it so he'd offer to walk me to school the next day which by the way is a mere 5 minute walk from home.

02. Watching movies. Might be DVD, Tv, or whatev- as long as it is boring, politically incorrect, popular, nonsense, heavy drama, comedy, stupid, worthless, artsy, stellar cast something something...just anything to keep me off my wandering mind.

01. Walking under the pouring rain in the streets of Makati. Oh and I never use umbrellas.

all of these has its corresponding soundtracks. ;-)

dripping wet

do you know how funny it is when one night you are all so depressed and when you wake up the next morning the day is suddenly beautiful and all?
the feeling's shitty and the next day its like nirvana?
hystirical, right?

that's what happend to me. and minutes ago I went downstairs to unwind and whoa the rain is pouring like crazy, there are not too many people milling around, everybody took a cabbie...i love it. hmmm. i am working on staying away from those "people" as much as i can. makes my day more sensible. although i cannot hear the rain from inside my building (or even outside) i kinda feel so "homey" again. i love the look in people's eyes when they see me walking in the rain as is its not raining. i love the look on anyone at all everytime i say something that is as my friend russel put it "classic". if you know me, you'll figure out what i mean. i haven't been eating too much lately and i am going to do this until november. i square meal per day. not too many calories. not too many fats. a total halt to softdrinks. a little caution on coffee (with or without sugar). more exercise and a healthy outlook in life. hee hee. not something you'd get from me huh?
whatev-

latez

ode to sam

sometimes i feel like there is something wrong with me. i feel like i don't act or feel like regular people do. i don't know how to say it but it's not an alien feeling anymore. it's just that i am hating it at this very moment. "why are you like this?" it's a question i often hear from most people around me. "like this" to me is loud, annoying, impulsive, honest, and other stuff too. and this is not someone else's fault. i feel detached from the world we live in. it's like i am watching myself in the big screen along with its vibrant color and bold portrayal. I see, I process but I don't feel.
maybe that's why i like Chris. i am intensely attracted to him and is strongly repelled at the same time. he is trouble i know. i shouldn't like him "this" way. there are just too many reasons against liking him. but what can i do? it's me talking. not some leading star in a book or movie. i really don't enjoy this.
i have the worst headache this morning. i feel like hitting my head with a club.
i am slowly turning into a Sam. Man, why Sam? I want to be someone else. I want to be GM for instance. wait, I am GM and that girl (you know who I am talking about) is Heather. Hee Hee. How sweet is that? She's the willowy supermodel I am the quirky non existent goddess. Something like that.
Hours before my primadonna state I heard that some group of muggers made a strike about 10 meters where I live. Now I have more reasons to get out of that hell house and well, look for another uh, just anywheere I could live alone.
..be back later...

back (after 2minutes)

I am scratching my back hoping that I'd feel like little better. It didn't work. i only looked as if I am pissed with the fact that my back is itchy. damn. I wanted to stop cursing like a sailor. I wanted to have that angel personified image slash picked up from hell embodiment. Nah, that will never happen. I am freak, is a freak and will always be a freak. I am filling up a bottle of meaningless thoughts just to see if it will produce a fume of genius remark. Sometime soon I'm going to wither and die without anything useful for the world to have. Hmmm, I am alsmot reaching my goal of weighing nothing by the time I am 24. Funny, funny how I wanted to live a different life this year only to realize I am still living the same old fucking life after my accident. yeah so maybe i look different, it's just passing though. so very 'just a surface" thing. not good. i am supposed to stop thinking, I am supposed to start living. how on earth am i going to accomplish that? I have no Ed to count on. I have no Mary to party with. I have no Sam to lust over. I have no Heather to bitch about.
God, wat a pathetic life I'm living. So sorry dear Lord, I just don't feel OK about this. I need a sign. A sign that will show me the way to renewal. To rebirth. It's only my temper that worked wonders. The rest? They're still as syubborn as their owner. I am such a mess. a freaking mess.
I am nothing.
Yes, I am nothing without You.
But, I recently went back to redeem myself, right?
Sorry again, am i being a pest already? Dear Lord. i'll shut up now,

All right, i'll just concentrate on that beach thingy I'm going to share with JC. I hope she'll show me how to have fun.
Right.

back to you, as i was winding down this lonesome ride in the elevator bank, i thought why don't i make something creative. creative being anything fun, outrageous and totally off the hook with "that" biatch. ahahahhaa. you surely don't know who i'm referring to.

but whatev--

cheers*