candy cane

i love candies. it tastes really good no matter what the flavor is. One of my old time favorite is White rabbit because of its edible white cover. ahaha. Its milky, creamy sweet and it reminds me of my childhood. I like to say the one that I love making myself is our very own Yema (custard candy). Kasi nga masarap talaga lalo na pag may mani. (because it really tastes good especially if it has nuts.)

I like Halls too especially if I'm feeling carsick. It helps.

...i'm being lazy again..be back soon

all right, so i'm back I was kinda in the mood for another batch of annoying tirade between uh, him...

he kept on babbling about his "boring life" at work..that
he works for a monster
that he is so over worked
and i became, instantlt became, uno sylabico
I answered every 2 sentence he told me with a yes, ok. really?, oh.
--who on earth would be interested in talking to a person who converses like that?
him, i think because he didn't go until I left and all...
i kind of watched movies last week end...

okay, so i watched every movie available..



to continue, I heard about Trains to Brazil while browsing through a radio station last week...
the song by a British Indie rock band Guillemots release it in 2005...
it was a song in reference to a fatal accident involving Brazilian Jean Charles de Menezes who was accidentally killed by Police Officers in pursuit of some suspects in the area.

Talking about Police officer, it reminded me of the movie 16 Blocks starring Bruce willis and Mr Mos Def. Willis, a police officer, was given a simple task, take a punk who had been in jail for almost half his life in court as a witness. Read about it, if you want, in the link (click 16 blocks).

latez

couch potato

If only my movie watching habit will be used for business I'd really be looking at film history lined up on the shelf.
All right, so maybe "not entirely" ..oh well...
Here are my favorites

1. Rules of Engagement
A hero should never stand alone
2. Hearts in Atlantis

3. Twister
The dark side of Nature
4. I am Sam
All you need is Love.

a lot less

I started blogging 3 months after swinging by Pinoycook for some time. I have been enjoying writing since I was a kid. The way I write when I was in highschool was so weird, funny and witty (i was told) that they decided to make edit our entire Yearbook (I was just supposed to be a poor photographer). Hah! Talk about stealing the scene. I guess Oliver (the Valedictorian back then who regards himself high enough to surpass Mt. Apo) was angry at me and at our advisor. But what can he do? His work was boring (I'm just stating a fact here).
Talking about highschool. Most of my batchmate friends are now married if not single parent. As of me I'm still a lost soul who haven't found her mate yet. In the process of my search for "the man" I have stumbled into "almost one night stand" --thank God, the guy was so so so drunk-- grrr..my fault. In my drunken state I thought it was normal that guys take you home after meeting you for the first time in a bar.I am well firm that it will not HAPPEN again. Talk about being silly. I found myself being leered at by men when I stroll by the park.
Back in highschool. I was the school nerd. People hate me because I was popular. Not because I was a beauty queen but because my mother was a grade school teacher and my father a policeman. In the provinces when your parents have that perfect combination of jobs you are IN. Or not.Anyhow, I was also one of those who excelled in class. Thank you to my parent's proding.I am not the kind who would make sure that I get the highest mark. i was too busy learning about life then. I know that it wasn't the textbooks (alone) and medals that counted. In my case I regarded people interaction, forming friendship, involving in a brawl (yes, I was involed) and walking (miles and miles) home much more than those stupid honor rolls. Please think that i am only talking about how it evolved my life OK, don't take it personally for those who are honor students and proud of it. I am happy for you, really. Its just that I am not you and obviously you are not me.
It was in highschool when I started my passion in reading. I would read anything from shakespear to my deodorizers warning label. It was also in highschool when I showed my entire school that i am not just any other "school teacher's kid", i showed them I have substance and i lack in appearnce. I gave my school the first ever National Award in Photojournalism on our first year of joining. See, i am not bragging here, I wish i am but I am not.
It was in highschool when i started understanding what envy meant. I was a really quiet person back then, i hate loud people. I hate anything loud. Everytime teachers commend me for my disciplne, some envious classmates would then mumble jumble about it, her name was Leslie. i am pretty sure that was her name. her name is under mine on ranking. What a pity.
hmm, I need to get out here now...spelling will be checked later....

livin la vida

Melacane screams...
melacane screams...

I can somehow summarize my life story in two words. Chaotic nothingness. Above all the adjectives that swirls in my brain, those two placed itself in number 1 and 2. How could words win over my feelings like that?I reached a point where my life seemed too meaningless to bother about. I wrote a poetry on my wrists using a scalpel my doctor friend left. It was a whirlpool of images, what happened that night. I cannot really remember anymore after, I decided it's better to be alone and to stay alone. Whoever convinced me that I should try partying ang meeting more people should keep his mouth shut and do lip service somewhere else.
No, there will be no one who would take me seriously the way my ex soul mate did. And I am in no mood to find a replacement. I am planning on getting myself a good vacation. I was told that I better go with a friend...Hell, no....
I am starving now. Starving for space and freedom. I so wish I could just stay as a ghost in a shelf. I remember one time when I locked myself inside my rooms huge clothes cabinet. I felt so scared that time. We were playing hide and seek.
what was I afraid of? Now, I'm wondering. I held my knees closer to my chin and rolled myself out of the dark closet. Hmmm, so I am a human being living here on earth. I see people, I observe them. I am a part of them. Where did I read that before..He said, he doesn't seem to be a part of our world, he was just observing or something....Mister, I've read that line gazillion years before you even decided to send it to (National Paper).I can't even believe (National Paper) bought that crap. Man, whatever happened to originality?Speaking of, why am I still wondering??Look around, thousands of fake Louis Vuitton bags are loitering around town. Stray your eyes on sidewalks and millions of (unstoppable) Counterfeit DVDs and CDs will greet your stare.
If looks could kill I will be one of the top criminals of the world. Sadly, it does not.

PPS....

pps....

As I was writing this earlier today a drunk caucsian was puffing his alcohol based breath on me. Man, I was so pissed. I wanted to reach out and hit the mark between his neck and chest. Yes, it's a deadly scene. How typical of me to say so....

just before you knew it

Melacane is damned....
melace is damned....

No matter how I tell myself to stay "bubbly" I really can't. Everything is soooo irritating.
The cable wire of my stupid landline phone is soooo annoying. The bus ride to work is so bitchful.
If only you can hear my "fake laughter". God, I so hate living here.Okay, I just started with my one man debate time
.I am so fat. eating non stop. fact 1. my father will be so happy I ma gaining weight.fact 2. i cannot fit into my small clothes
The main point.Which is better? You decide. yes, for the first time in age .
I am letting someone lese decide.All rigth so what's next. Ah, i have been bombarded with write-ups about sex.
Bryanboy says everyone loves sex and hell should everyone admit it.
Good thing I am not everyone. Yeah, and so waht if everything I see reminds me of anything sexual?
I am a frustrated writer and I can write about sex directly.
What the hell
All right, so the airconditoning IS NOT working. IT 'S so damn hot! I hate electric fans. So now,
I'm in hell. I haven't been to hell but this ONE it goes up there with orange underwears.

TV TV more TV ........
Spring Day Spring Day....... which is better?

[[half brothers are inlove with the same girl.]]
Leo has amnesia Philip tries everything to be better than his perfect older brother--

flashback: due to severe trauma Kristin cannot talk (she can but she doesn't want to) Leo, a visitor in the island

where she lives, cured (in
Kristin's words) her heart-[[early episodes of One Fine Spring Day]]

scene: Leo slowly remembers everything...

Leo: Pasensya pinag lakad kita
Kristin: Okay lang, sanay akong maglakad
Leo: Nung Kristin ang tawag ko sayo, anong namang pangalan ang tawag mo sakin? (since his amnesia he calls her NURSE)
Kristin: Wala, Kahit kelan hindi kita tinawag noon
Leo: Ahh.. OO nga pala...
Kristin: pero tinawag kita bago ka umalis...
Leo: Anong sinabi mo sakin?
Kristin: Huwag...wag kang umalis....
*Tumalikod si Kristin papasok ng bahay. Leo naman ngunimti*
translation.....
Leo: I'm sorry I made you walk.
Kristine: It's OK, I'm used to walking
Leo: I used to call you KRISTIN, what about you? what did you call me?
Kristin: Nothing, I never called you anything
Leo: Ahh...
Kristine: but I called you out before you left...
Leo: What did you tell me?
Kristine: Don't...don't leave
*Kristine turns her back and went inside her house. Leo smiles.*

----------------or

Philip to Kristin: Ayoko nag maging mabuting kapatid, ayoko ko na rin sa Mama ko (his mom hates Kristin),

ang gusto ko na lng ngayon ay ikaw
Kristin: Bakit Philip, bakit
Philip: dahil mahal kita, mahal kita...
translation....
Philip to Kristin: I don't want to be a good brother anymore, I don't like my mother, all I want now is you
Kristin: Why Philp? Why?
Philip: Because I love you, i love you....


Jo In Sung is sssoooooo cute...

MOVIES>>> MOVIES ....
movies-----movies-----.....

I watched 3 movies last week

1. Fearless - Jet Li

2. House of Fury - Stephen Fung, Gillian Chung, Tony Wong and Daniel Wu

3. She's the Man

I wanted to watch Final destination 3 (I've wathced the first 2) but I was too lazy

to get out of my bed. fearless is going to be Jet Li's last martial arts film.

He will be doing more movies with different genres. i liked the movie.

The best martial arts film he made. Also, I liked the fact that

they used their native language, not some lousy English dubbing.
House of Fury showcased Stephen Fung's acting and directing talent.

He teamed up with Gillian Chung (twins Effect) and Mr. Anthony Wong,

Cool movie if you ask me, I liked it better than V for Vendetta...wahahahahahahahahaha.

The movie focused on family relations.

How far will you go to protect your family? How long can you keep your deepest secret? How can you show care and love for a family? How cute could Stephen ever get? *sigh, i'm dreamy again...How hot could Daniel Wu be? :D
In She's the Man, Amanda Bynes played both roles efforlessly. Feel good movie.

Not good enough for me to write a review. (i just happen to love soccer)

The latest week end

Melacane says....
melacane says...

All right, All wrong. I was busy last week end. Busy sleeping, busy doing nothing. But hey lookie what I found out.
1. The manager at Spaghetti House (SM Megamall) is a jerk. Now please forgive my french but hell he was.

2. I took a picture of my favorite street in Makati. *ayala avenue ...I love this part of the city because it doesn't have scattered fallen leaves, it has shady trees and it is empty. Ah, I would so love walking here everyday....


3. I also caught a very weird looking tree. I was walking along San Miguel avenue when this odd looking tree caught my eye.

4. I also enjoyed "dirty ice cream" ala sandwich. Basically scoops of ice cream are placed in between two slices of bread. I have no idea why it is called dirty ice cream, perhaps because it is sold in the streets? I'm not sure.

5. I bought myself new shoes! Look how those huge feet got into those Cinderella shoes. They Look like ballet shoes. it made my feet look small. And sore.

6. Here's apicture of my little brother. I just love him so much when he goes ballistic everytime you disturb his "tv time". His name is christian paul. He was named such because he was conceived during christmas time and was born when Pope John Paul visited the Philippines back in '94.

7. I took new pics of my self...haha, i am conceited. I really like black and white compared to full color pictures. I believe that black and white captures more depth than colored ones.

All I can say now is...don't cha wish your girlfriend is raw like me?

UsEd tO bE, how could we??

adoption notice

as it passes

Melacane talks....
melacane talks....

I have a stupid hobby of biting my lips. Most of the time I
feel the warm salty existence of my own blood. I bite my lip
harder if I am annoyed. Earlier today I realized that crime
happens all around without me seeing. Maybe I witness one,
I saw two guys stabbing each
other in a public transporation, I was amused by how
the police didn't immediately respond when in fact they
are just 10 meters awaty from the brawl.

I read an ad offering a reward to anyone
who could pinpoint
the mastermind in a brutal murder of a wealthy
businessman. 10 million.

*phew

Undelivered Mail -poetry section- to YC

melacane is heartbroken
melacane is heartbroken

kahit ipagtulakan mo akong palayo
kahit masaktan ako ng paulit -ulit
patuloy kong dadalhin sa puso ko ang alaala mo..

ako may' iibig pa sa iba, o kahit higit pang umibig dati...
ngayon, at kahit saglit lamang
ikaw lng ang nasa isip...

ngunit paalam
paalam
nais ko lng ako'y mapatawad
hindi ko alam
kong sino ang nasa puso mo
pero ikaw lang ang nandito (sa puso ko)...

okay, i worte this 4:50 am EST
it's now 4:55

I changed my mind
I have THREE words for YC
YOU'RE A LOSER!!!!!
-you are messing with the worng girl. you don't know what i can do. and i don't care about what you can do.

*english translation

since you are pushing me away

although pain keeps on coming

your memories will stay in my heart

even if i find love somewhere else, or that i have loved before

for now, for a short span of time, you're on my mind

but good bye

good bye

i want you to forgive me

*okay, now that ive realized he is such a jerk...i am now throwing up....

daniel wu

what melacane digs in...
what melacane digs in...

i LUST daniel wu
i LOVE daniel wu
i _____ daniel wu


just look at him...
so serene so yum

oh, and what about these....



see how he smiles???


i could've have sworn i want to see this face first thing in the AM....


although he was born, raised, graduated architecture in the US, I still am more interested in his origins....


and of course in toweling him dry (or keeping him uh, drenched?)

Reasons why YOU shouldn't LIKE (or love) me

unpredictable melacane says...

unpredictable melacane says...

1. I spill drinks all over my chin and on the table.
2. I am sarcastic 20 hours a day.
3. I always encourage you to eat foods you haven't tasted, seen or heard about before.
4. I always like sleeping on the couch (with 2 others) during sleep overs.
5. I am too nice even if you're a jerk.
6. I am too mean even if you're an angel.
7. I am a little bit of both to my friend's friends.
8. I speak too fast and when you ask me to repeat it, your world will suddenly shake.
9. When I order at FastFood chains I always say, " Honey, I asked for salt. Salt. Not ketchup."
10. You don't want to see me when you just performed a Russell Crowe for no reason at all.
11. I love listening to loud music while sleeping.
12. I don't talk while eating.
13. I wear the wrong dress everytime.
14. I say the wrong words during dates.
15. If I don't want to talk, I don't talk.
16. My sense of humor is crazy.
17. I sometimes talk outside my mouth.
18. During my bus ride home I always get off 2 miles away from my destination.
19. I snap at anyone faster than electric shock.
20. I get jealous when my male friends flirt with other females when I am with them.
21. I am usually acting on impulse. ie I'd buy uncessesary anything or I'd [deleted too violent] you.
22. I am corny at times.
23. I am jaded most times.
24. I trip on flat surface.
25. I am usually lazy.
26. My brain works faster than my mouth.
27. I'd pick Jet Li over Brad Pitt.
28. I hate wedding gowns.
29. I always break newly bought coffee mugs.
30. You don't want to mess with my temper.
31. Chris Johns says I'm dangerous.
32. My favorite sandwich would be peanut butter and homemade guava jelly.
33. I hate perfect men like HIM. (trust me on this one)
34. I'm too smart for your taste.
35. I could be humble, boastful, shy and stupid all at the same time.
36. I could be too honest.
37. If I make a huge mug of coffee, I only drink 1/8 of it then pour it on the sink while hot. (except Starbucks or Gloria Jeans)
38. I have a thang for bad boys.
39. I admire too many pretty girls.
40. I hate Star Wars.
41. I'm such a wuss everytime I watch horror films.
42. I like listening to christmas songs during rainy days(that's July in the Philippines).
43. I have a friendster account.
44. I don't like smiling on pictures.
45. I hate group pictures.
46. I most certainly dislike tweety bird.
47. I have an inexplainable desire for Yin Jo Ng.
48. I have, really hate, basketball.
49. I can bore you to death.
50. I am too damn honest.

...more to follow

why everyone's name is m-i-c-h-a-e-l

feverish melacane says.....

feverish melacane says.....

I have to admit I love the name Michael, especially its Spanish version Miguel. That's also the reason why I convinced my Aunt Melanie to use Miguel Joshua instead of Michael Josh for my Godson's name. In this part of my journal I'll solely talk about MICHAEL.


MICHAËL
Gender: Masculine
Usage: Dutch
Dutch form of MICHAEL
Popularity Related Names Namesakes Name Days Comments
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MICHAEL
Gender: Masculine
Usage: English, German, Czech, Biblical
Pronounced: MIE-kul [key]
From the Hebrew name Miyka'el which meant "who is like God?". This is the name of one of the seven archangels in Hebrew tradition and the only one identified as an archangel in the Bible. In the Book of Revelation in the New Testament he is portrayed as the leader of heaven's armies, and thus is considered the patron saint of soldiers. This was also the name of nine Byzantine emperors and a czar of Russia. Other more modern bearers of this name include the 19th-century chemist/physicist Michael Faraday and basketball player Michael Jordan.
Popularity Related Names Namesakes Name Days Websites Comments
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Coincidentally the webmaster's name is Mike Campbell. See, I have this belief that put together 50 strangers in a room and you'd get 2 people named Michael. Everybody's name is Michael. No, I am not complaining. Although I have a special place in my heart for creative names I don't mind hearing about overused names (like mine).

Who is like God? that's what Michael means. I am a believer of God. I do not go to church. I pray to him more than twice daily. Michael would have been the perfect name for me. I am dissecting all Michaels that are historical, popular, infamous and I love. I am trying to figure out main characteristics that they share.

Let's start withMichelangeloo Bounarroti(1475-1564). One of the greatest artist of all time. Painting an enormous fresco showed his intensity as a human being and a genuine talent. He reveals his personality in all thw works he had finished. Besides he was in the Rennaissance period. I have a big place in my heart for anthing Renassaince. I also relate to his solitude. *from a website, click solitude for details

----->Michelangelo's "unsociableness" has been seen as the typical attitude of what was known in the Renaissance as the vir melanchonicus, or the absorbed and solitary contemplator, wholly wrapped up in his art, for whom involvement in creative activity was transformed into suffering: "I am here in great distress and with great physical strain, and have no friends of any kind, nor do I want them; and I do not have enough time to eat as much as I need; my joy and my sorrow/my repose are these discomforts."
Michelangelo was perhaps one of the artists who paid the greatest price in terms of suffering for the divine gift of his art: "I am a poor man and of little worth, who is laboring in that art that God has given me in order to extend my life as long as possible" (January 29th, 1542).


.....to be continued

wildchild

melacane painted the town bloody red
melacane painted the town bloody red


OK, so I did not join my cousins (big car and personal bodyguards) last Friday night's gimik in Libis instead I went to work and well, worked. Saturday night comes next with me putting some make up on for the party. Then I called up a cab then proceeded to Malate. I was wearing a deep tan razor back shirt, distressed jeans, kitten heels and a yellow and blue Batman necktie tied around my waist and a smirk.


Also I brought in my attitude and I knew how to use it. Party Party. So Big Boss brought his friend from I don't remember where. After a few minutes of disappearing I found myself sitting
right next to The Guest (I could've sworn it was planned by some fag grr!). OK, the next thing I knew I was too drunk to think. I was talking to BryanBoy and The Guests' hands are all over me (like he did with others) . In my brain I didn't mind, I didn't really mind, touching and kissing I am a human being for God's sake. What I didn't control doing was going home and waking up at someone else's place. I really wished it was Oliver Hudson Bwahahahaha My phone credit reached its limits so I stepped away from BryanBoy first. What bothered me was what would my companions think.

*jessica and moi


They have been dragging me to hook up with The Guest but hell-- I think it didn't include some level 1 kinkiness. Hmmm right, it was just ordinary for me.

*laura and moi

It happened for like a hundred times before. Mostly I kiss my hot gay friends, this will be the second boy according to my count. Nah, he wasn't a boy, if he was--he was a very big boy. No, we did not have sex. I am sure of that. My belt is in the same position hours before that. Bah!!!! In my mind sleeping with anyone I don't have any relation with is NOT HAPPENING. That's why IT did not occur. Thank God he was patient enough to guard me. *Sigh. I could've have sworn.....

All right in my bad drunkenness I went online and bombarded Michael. I AM SO DEAD!!!!
What the hellness numbness of my temple did I do. Escalating my wildside to a person I, I I...okay, I dunno what to add...

Then, the next dayI still needed to meet some friends to go see a live show on TV. I WAS ON TV!!!!
but f*#$, only my lips was shown on TV. ...I had a bad headache after that. We went to Tomas Morato in a japanese inspired Singaporean restaurant.

I slept for only 6 hours after not sleeping for like 3 days in a row (friday-saturday-sunday)....I remember that I was pretty much in control when I was drunk with my Regienald...hehehe

okay, enough of my babble...

an exerpt from my chitchat with my ex soul mate
kat says:hey yan kat says:i think i uh, a boy last saturday while i was partying yan says:you think what ? kat says:i kissed him?kat says:i was dead drunkyan says:good for youkat says:uhkat says:what does that mean?yan says:well that it seems you find interesting guys arround you kat says:no sillykat says:i didnt know himkat says:i told youkat says:i was dead drunkkat says:i passed out and allkat says:and i didnt find that damn guy, he was a freinds' friends' friendyan says:okyan says:whatever kat says:wow that made me feel better thank you very muchyan says:what can i say ? kat says:a guy took advantage of a drunk girl and she tells a friend and her friend didnt care a bitkat says:nothingkat says:he was this american freak someone told mekat says:god, id shut the hell upyan says:first you told me YOU kissed a guy.kat says:i did say I thinkyan says:and then what the hell, he obviously didnt jump on you did he ?kat says:you really cannot grasp how i converse do you?kat says:jump? what do you mean?yan says:forced kat says:i told you i was drunkkat says:i thought he was russel croweyan says:and you want me to treat you as a victim ? kat says:no yankat says:thats not itkat says:i wanted to see if i was a slut a whore or just an ordinary freakkat says:or maybe i am all of that, i guess you dont like or appreciate honest people do you?kat says:and no i did not sleep with anyone, i don't have sex with people i barely know or even if i know themyan says:take it easy i was just trying to understand what was your point.yan says:i like honest people and i am not afraid of truthkat says:are you sure you are not afraid of the truth?


I didn't like what happened at all. I am now going to admit how narrow minded he is. You're not the one who's going to assess yourself as "I am not afraid of the truth" God, he is so infuriating. Yesterday when I left my aunt's apartment I went straight to SM Megamall. I was so hungry that I just picked the nearest restaurant I could see. It was Spaghetti Factory. I had Italian Filipino influenced Italian chicken (which I swear was just an ordinary home fried chicken non of the bread crumbs coated ones) for my main dish, large iced tea and banana split. Sinful meal.

about to be delivered mail file # 3

melacane talks...

melacane talks...

Dear M,

Sometimes, I feel as if you're a friend instead of someone I worked for before. Only that you're kinda one of them too. I even thought that I was born to only understand and be misinterpreted. You do that too but well not all the time considering we barely talked since the trucker went off track. Mind if I keep on blabbing about myself continuously?
I have been feeling tired lately. Completely out of my head. I don't know what to do with my childhood dream of being a lawyer. I became a cynical, jaded and bitter little miss. I have always been angry. I suffered a difficult childhood. It is not as difficult as the struggles of a young poor orphan but it is still difficult. I was born to an unknown family but grew up with a complicated one. I really remember all the pains back then either that or I don't want to remember. To be exact I didn't have a stable family growing up. I'm adopted. I still can't get over the fact that no one in my parent's relatives can look me in the eye and be real. No one in that long line of blood accepts me as family. I'm just a figure. It hurts badly.
Most of the time I repress my feelings. I have that big glowing eyes and sweet smile and cook everyone something nice to eat. Trying very hard to stop the tears from falling. I've had a long 20 ears of practice. I feel sorry for my mother too because I know she's having a harder time dealing with this. She pointed a knife at my face once but I know she had learned to love me soon after. My father's worse. He cannot accept the fact that I'm not the typical girl he wanted to be. I'm tough and well...The list goes on one I wanted is to impress my parents with my academia and popularity. Later on I realized that I don't care about the figures printed on my report card. I was more interested in learning about people. Learning about life, about myself and living with it. The only worst was that I always prolong the inevitable wreckI'm about to get.
Somewhere in between those days of my totrured, melodramatic young life I wished to be treated special. Special but not overly special. Discreet special. I got my wish when I turned 17. Maybe, my father gave me a a little more when he rejected my proposal to study in a big city. It's because if he didn't oppose my staying out of their butts I wouldn't meet Regienald. Ok, shut up now...I'm shutting up. The thing about him and I? I don't hate him. I loved him.
My life never spun in a special way. Still the same bottled up emotion and careless wander into the wild.
I need an inspiration so bad it hurts.

possessed,
K

Everything beautiful comes to an end.

along came christian

melacane adores....
melacane adores....

He was the one to hold me that night the sky fell down. He makes me think of him constantly. He makes fun of me believing in daydreams but I know deep inside he is also a believer. We could talk hours at a time. The world doesn't end and we move along. we don't pretend and we make mistakes. He never dried my tears but he silently wept with me. All along those days when everyone blames me for all things that goes wrong he'd make sure everyone knows it wasn't my fault. We have given up on each other so many times but we find our way back. He always found special things about me that no one had ever noticed.
He can make me mad, smile, agitated, relaxed and idiotic. I have always tried to explain that we shouldn't lose our physical attachment to each other but people grow up people change. He stopped the multiple kisses and hugs! One time when I accidentally fell off the bed (we were tackling each other) I pretended to have lost my consciousness. He isn't the person who shows his feelings very often but at that time I felt his concern and it broke my heart. Of course, I laughed at him and he slapped my head. Sweet isn't it? That's our normal Kodak moments.

Since the beginning we are by each others side for every dream we make. We talk about it best while cooking a meal. I also missed the time when he'd let me rest my head on his lap and help me sleep. We never make promises we can't keep. we know better than that. For me, he will always be a child who does not understand a lot of things. He will always be that child who would run errands and always complained. He would always be that child who is more gullible than I am.
Now, I look at him and I see both a childhood and a grown-up within him. he makes mistakes and he admits it. He still observes things that is not too important. He still haven't figured out how to make a perfect omelet. He still makes sure that our family remains a family.
He is the main man in my life. My dear little boy. Ok, before you make a wrong turn, Christian is my brother.

Sad twilight

Melacane is sad....
melacane is sad....


I'm definitely in my "rock bottom" state. As far as I remember my eys never twinkled the same way as 7 years ago. If you know me, you know who, when and what I mean. I'm starting to believe the theory that I'm a total nothingness now compared to my past self. Completely dilusional too. One way or another not too many men seem to stay focused on me. Except one perfectly tousled memory. Could it be my sunny temperament I ask. Or my constant belief that everyone is honest. My free spirited self had caught more attention that I deserved before. My university life was like an acquaintance party everyday. Still, its a sad twilight.
I don't have a good denial system. I freak out just by the thought of misleading anyone and myself about everything. I say a little lie to a person sometimes because I'm tired of them asking the same thing a million time when obviously the answer will not change. I hate it too when people ask you where you work and you tell theme where and they say "same job?". What do you mean "same job"? I have a short lived temper I'm telling you. I hate it when people talk and they don't know what they're talking about.

All right. So I reject reality every so often. There are times when I'd rather be a passenger in a plane about to crash than with a man with overgrown hormones. Makes me wonder why I've been hinted a couple of times for a no commitment nooky by people I know. They ask me too casually it freaks me out. I can't believe nobody thinks I'm harmful. Kidding. I'm harmless of course unless you start acting like a Big Jerk to me. I always have that rebellious color on me but I make sure my brain works along with it. I'm starting to miss my childlike banter with Jason. Makes me remind myself not to be friends with young boys again. There was Norman, the normal-older-than-me-friend, who thought I'm a lesbian. Nice try sugar. Sammy Jay enters and my world tunred upside down. Not to forget Ray who I slept with (technically) during my goddaughter's overnight party. I sometimes wonder whatver happened to Danny the guy who thought he could both have me and Mary at the same time. I'm glad then that I didn't rush fate. I remember a boy (he was 14 I was 19) who asked me out told me that life is too short to worry about. When things don't go the way it should I usually hide in the closet. My closet. I stay there with my clothes neatly hanged. My habit caused my difficulty in breathing when I'm terribly down.

I guess I know why I keep hanging on to Regienald. He was the only person who postponed his usual routines for me. I don't even know how he noticed that I needed him. He never raised his voice on me even though he is angry. He isn't embarrassed buying sanitary napkins for me. He isn't embarrased wearing my big shirts to sleep. He isn't embarrassed to ask me iron his clothes. He isn't the typical old school romantic but his magic works perfectly on me. He tell me anything. He was my friend. But I was the one who left. It's all my fault.


Everything beautiful comes to an end.

Ang Bayan Kong Pilipinas

Melacane turns serious....

melacane turns serious....

I'm a Political Science Graduate. I am not really an activist type. I don't really have a huge interest about politics. I took up the course to learn about things I have no interest about. Let's say that's my idea of learning. Of course, I keep myself posted on current events. Last week end on my ride home the annual rallies in EDSA Shrine was cut short. The Philippine President asked to. All local TV stations then was filled with Mrs. Arroyo's presence issuing Proclamation 1017. State of Emergency she claimed then she added that she wanted to make sure any form of rebellion is prevented.
The Philippine media, especially TV, was requested to stop broadcasting a live coverage of the events. These went on until today, February 27, 2006. Last Sunday, the Marines, all of a sudden went into a disoriented phase when they found out that there commanding Officer was relieved contrary to the first statement that he resigned. Everything was not stable. The stampede at Wowowee 1st Anniversary celebration, the landslide in Leyte and now this. Mrs. Arroyo is now being questioned of staging Martial Law. Not again, I said.
I was born in 1982 so I didn't really feel President Marcos' Martial Law. Somehow, it seemed to be a frightening and dark for those who lived with it. I cannot mask my dismay over Mrs. Arroyo. Could this have happened if someone else won the presidency? We don't know. That, I can say. Promises don't really count on presidency I observed. Every president who promised this and that never came close to reaching it. OK, maybe a bit by a few I will not mention. But then again. Promises seems to be recycled only to people's satisfaction. Brief satisfaction. I could've have sworn Mrs. Arroyo's prowess is undeniably unbelievable. imagine, she is still the president. I don't know if I am against her or not. Do I really just not trust Filipino government officials anymore? Even students were affected by these events. No classes last Monday. A day of learning was gone. What a waste. I don't understand anything at all. No.
I read a comment in a national newspaper stressing that TV stations should stop "sensationalising" every action. Lady, no offense meant but, Filipinos NEED to know everything. Don't you think "matters are at its wort possible state" already? Everyone has the right to know what's happening to our country.
All right, so maybe not everyone cares anymore. Its because their "care" will just be a waste of everything. Life goes on, they'd counter. Right. It is embarrasing. This is embarassing.



Everything beautiful comes to an end.