Undelivered Mail file # 36

Dear Regienald,

I'm so fed up what my thoughts of you. I moved away thinking things will be different as soon as the surrounding has changed. But, no it did not. You're like this virus that clings to my system and wouldn't let go. I even tried chugging bottles of beer for me to pee you off my body. Still you are there. I could give you lists of things I tried. I watch movies about war and human distraction, I was amazed at how I felt relaxed after. Then as the movie ends it started to spit this scene about the soldier's tortured love and then I'm screwed. I thought I could have 120 and 5 minutes of peace. It was all disrupted by your lasting endurance. You were the one who never showed any particular interest in my life so why the hell do I find that particularly interesting?
It makes me throw up. Not necessarily pretty sight. And I just swallowed coffee using my wind pipe. wrong pipe so of course uncontrollable coughing occured. I know. I know. We both have longer than enough life span to process our feelings for each other and you choose end before I even clicked begin. I shouldn't have gone to that unchartered water with you. But then again unchartered water is scary to swin alone into. See? See what I mean? Every waking part of my coming of age years had you as the main star. That is not even right, it was my life after all. So, last night I decided to start looking at other people without comparing them to you. I'd be drifting in some magical, pain free ocean with some dark haired engineer. Momentarily my eyes would drift from his hair to his shoes checking if they're good enough for my taste. Then we'd kiss and he'd comment about my unusually combed hair and make a joke out of it. So instinctively I'd laugh as not to offend him and his oh so corny attempts to comedy. Then he mentions that he likes my loop sided smile. Then I remember you again. It's like a cycle or more likely a wheel. Wheel of fortune. You're the fortune I'm the wheel.
Have you ever tried spicy sweet spaghetti? That's how my life is since you came and left. I'm dong fine though. How about you? What happened? Have you found anyone who makes sure you're laughing and happy? Have you realized that I'd be here for you n matter what? Even if I'm stupid enough to stick with you, away or together, longer than my brain would allow.

Always,
Scratch

yesterday once more

This is bad really. I'm missing Regienald more and more. He is like this drug that stay in my system and won't leave. Or maybe, I don't want it out of me. I remember his scent Polo Sport by Ralph Lauren, the blue one that came out lat 1993. I feel his school boy smile and those perfect white teeth (since I don't have perfect white teeth). I miss that big red Jansport bag he would carry with Lian and my book inside. He always wanted to hurry up when it's time to go home. he takes a bath 4 times daily. He wears big shirts that are mostly white. My heart aches just by thinking about him. I wish I could find him again, but then again I was the one who left. He asked me to stay. I remember his eyes lit when he finally saw me 2 days before my departure.
I gave him my trademark smirk. We haven't seen each other 4 days prior to that. He didn't ask me again when I said, "No, I already bought my plane tickets. Sorry." So he just told me that he might actually visit me because he knows someone in my new university. Of course, he never did. I only saw him Christmas the next year and summer a year after I've been away. Short visit, limited talks. He was just sad and angry that I made that a terrible mistake that year. I saw concern and fear in his eyes. It made matters worse.

I never heard of him after that. I made sure I'd be home during my cousin's graduation rites because I know it is his graduation too. I was there positioned at the topmost bleachers. I overheard some girls talk about him. I only saw him for full 5 seconds. Our car slid past through him and his family. He was wearing a deep purple long sleeved shirt, black slacks and black shiny shoes. He was there! I could've said Hi! but I was too shocked to even move. Late -damn late- reaction. We are too far away by then my uncle drives really fast.

Regienald's very image is still vivid in my mind. It always will be until someone genius enough would find a way for me to erase him.

What I could have been

I could have worked for the police force. That is what I should have been if only not to my college life's artistic influence. But hell, nothing came out of the "artistic influence" shit too. Yes, my college dean praised my writing but that wasn't enough for me to get my butt working on achieving it. I need a distraction again. My could've been life as a police officer (probably NBI National Bureau of Investigation)seemed to be crawling under my sheets this morning. I was starting to work on profiling again. Profiling criminal minds. Those that made it BIG first. The icons. My favorite though was never been talked about in the real world. He is fictional and is no other than Gary Soneji/Murphy. I admired the Wolf's genius better though. Dangerous, maybe more than dangerous. I dreamt of myself capturing these criminals. I dreamt of myself figuring them out. I dreamt until I completely fell asleep. Then, all of a sudden I dreamt of myself as a field reporter. Flying bullets and gushing blood. If I have fears, i surely know how to control them. I know how to keep myself calm in any grave situations there is. I've been told that I insulted (never meant to and I certainly didn't notice)people who thought I'm a weakling with my dagger looks. Back to my field reporter scene. So, there I am taking pictures AND reporting about it LIVE.

There.
Perfect.

Sales Talk Explained

SALES TALK EXPLAINED

The buzzword in today's business world is "Marketing". However, people often ask for a simple explaination of what the term means. so here goes...


You're a man and you see a beautiful woman at a party. you go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed," that's DIRECT MARKETING

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and you see a beautiful woman. One of your friends goes up to her and and pointing at you, says, "He's fantastic in bed, " that's ADVERTISING

You see a beautiful woman at a party. you go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call her and say, "May I," and reach up to clean her mouth brushing your chest lightly against her arm, and then say, "by the way, I'm fantastic in bed," That's PUBLIC RELATIONS

You're at a party and see a beautiful woman. She walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed," That's BRAND RECOGNITION

You're at a party and see a beautiful woman. You talk her into going home with your friend. That's SALES REP

You're friend can't satisfy her to she calls you. That's TECH SUPPORT

You're on your way to a party when you realise that there could be beautiful women in ll the houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!" That's JUNK MAIL

from: NewMan January 2005 Issue No. 29

What happened to respect?

I really despise it everything a human being (or something) turn their back on you when they don't get what they fuckin want. It is a stupid, shallow idea. I often think and believe that no matter what you asked for wetter you get it or not RESPECT should always be present. Of course, with the kind of education the Philippines has to offer to most Filipinos, what else should I expect. Yes, I am starting to blame the Government officials, but no not yet. I have been hearing them say, "the Philippines will eventually prosper..." Since I was 2 years old. Whatever happened to that shit-chatter? Nothing. All talk no substance and I am hoping THESE concerned reads this. I have lost faith in the Philippine Government Officials. All of them. Have they ever wandered around the streets of Manila? Have noticed boys or girls who DOES NOT go to school because they have to work? They barely learned their ABC's but they HAVE to be on the streets selling everything from streetfoods and cigarettes. Talk about taking control over cigarettes.

They ask for too many things from their people when they can't even provide enough jobs. Traffic officers CANNOT even discipline jeepneys and busses clogging the streets and they have the guts to enforce those damn unnecessary traffic hocus. Most Filipinos (you know who you are) doesn't bother anymore. Go for whatever's convenient, no care for rules and laws.

Look at what happened at Wowowee's 1st Anniversary Special. Since, thousands of people cannot find a job (because there is nothing to find) they'd do anything, even dangerous actions, to get a chance at winning the jackpot. Of course, there's the God-like host of a non time show in seven who doesn't care about anything else but himself. Whoever thought that "kahit sino tinitira" act should be celebrated. No, people, if you have nothing good to say just shut your traps up. No, again, there is not a reason to defend these actions.

Always remember; "Huwag maghuhugas ng katawan pagkatapos ng anumang trabaho, mapapasma ka na pag tanda mo magkakarayuma ka pa."

so yesterday (and it has NOTHING to do with Hilary D. -wehehe-

So yesterday.... i was thinking maybe I could write about what I'd do if I were rich. it turned out after a day of nonsense at work, all i wrote came out from a bubble of nothingness. so again, I write...
I were rich, I'd never stay in a single address on earth for more than 2 weeks. That includes all the roaming on foot (with an accurate map!), dining with ANYONE available (I'm posting a picture here I don't know him but hell he looks STEAMY to me) and running on the all parks (weehehee, naked I wish!)...

Now, let's see, where would I be? Ah, the beautiful Prague.



Ok, now I'm too lazy to add pics and write a thing or two about them...here's the link which will be my guide if I go to Prague.
www.cs.cmu.edu/~malin/ pictures/prague/prague.html

Now what...
After daydreaming about Prague, i'm thinking that I should try taking a risk I haven't thought of taking before. Somehow, I can't get "a comment" out of my mind, that mi querido amigo is really annoying me big time. I have this feeling that I have a liking for risks. the main problem therefore is time. I delay everything all the time. I know I should stop being such.

Good news! I managed to slowly stick to my financial outline. Yehaaaa! (suddenly jessica Simpson started singing My boots are made for walking in my head). In a month, I'd be able to follow the outline religiously, so help me GOD.

Be back tomorrow...

if i were bloody rich

If I were bloody rich that would put Bill Gates into shame, this is what a typical day would be like (i don't have a job everything is COD (care of daddy)

I wake up 9am after a whole evening of partying last night as I usually do daily. The club happened to be for young souls who doesn't have anything else to do but shell out cash on an hourly basis depending on where they are. What happened last night? Hmmm, let's see... I was ready at around 7pm. Anton was waiting for me in the living room together with Ali his sister. We are going to have dinner in this posh Greek restaurant few meters away from the city. Secluded and expensive, just the way we want it. Bill: 9,268.00 tip: 700. We found ourselves dancing and drinking an hour after. Bill: 2,150.
OK, now its almost 9.30. I should get ready. I feel like just shoving my pancake and sausages on the corner of my plate at breakfast, then I remember: I'm paying for this. maybe, even we spend thousands daily, my friends and I ALWAYS finish our plate empty every meal. So, I shoved them on my mouth instead. I looked at the hot waiter momentarily then my eyes landed on the wall clock, it said 10.15am. Bill: 280.
This is what I'll do next since it's sunday:

Watch a Movie = 150
Buy Pop Corn etc = 150
Late Lunch (2.30pm) = 125
Shopping = 1500 (until 6pm)

Alex Cross

I have been enthralled by Alex Cross. More likely, fascinated. And I know why. It all started when I leraned about him few years back, when I was 19. I can't stop thinking about him afterwards until now I must admit. I knew his good and bad side. I liked how he handles himself. It helps that he is a pyschologist, a tough cop, a good dad and a of course a friend. Along Came a Spider started it all.

That's the REASON why I love James Patterson. Anyhow I'm too lazt to write anything now about this too. i just finished two books featuring Alex Cross: The Big Bad Wolf and The London Bridges. i loved the first one better, dark edgy, stunning, brilliant-- but of course I wanted to know more about the Wolf so I bought the second one (and now I'm broke).

ALONG CAME A SPIDER

A missing little girl named Maggie Rose.
A family of three brutally murdered in the projects of Washington, D.C.
The thrill-killing of a beautiful elementary school teacher.

A psychopathic serial kidnapper/murderer who calls himself the Son of Lindbergh. He is so terrifying that the FBI, the Secret Service, and the police cannot outsmart him — even after he's been captured.

Gary Soneji is a mild-mannered mathematics teacher at a Washington, D.C., private school for the children of the political and social elite. He's so popular that the kids all call him "Mr. Chips." And he's very, very smart. Growing up, he always knew he was smarter than the rest of them — he knew that the Great Ones always fooled everybody. He kidnaps Maggie Rose, the golden-haired daughter of a famous movie actress, and her best friend, Shrimpie Goldberg, the son of the secretary of the treasury, right out from under the noses of their two Secret Service agents. But Gary Soneji is not surprised at his skill. He's done it before. Hundreds of times before.

Alex Cross is a homicide detective with a Ph.D. in psychology. he looks like Muhammad Ali in his prime. Cross works and lives in the ghettos of D.C. He's a tough guy from a tough part of town who wears Harris Tweed jackets and likes to relax by banging out Gershwin tunes on his baby grand piano. He has two adorable kids of his own. They are his own special vulnerabilities.

Jezzie Flanagan is the first woman ever to hold the highly sensitive job as supervisor of the Secret Service in Washington. Blond, mysterious, seductive, she's got an outer shell that's as tough s it is beautiful. She rides her black BMW motorcycle at speeds of no less than 100 mph. What is she running from? What is her secret?

Alex Cross and Jezzie Flanagan are about to have a forbidden love affair-at the worst possible time for both of them. Because Gary Soneji, who wants to commit the "crime of the century," is playing at the top of his game. The latest of the unspeakable crimes happened in Alex Cross's precinct. They happened under the protection of Jezzie Flanagan's men. Now Soneji is at large again, still wreaking havoc.

Alex Cross must face the ultimate test as a psychologist: how do you outmaneuver a brilliant psychopath? Especially one who appears to have a split personality — one who won't let the other half remember those horrific acts?

Soneji has outsmarted the FBI, the Secret Service, and the police. Who will be his next victim?

Gary Soneji is every parent's worst nightmare. He has become Alex Cross's nightmare. And now, reader, he's about to become yours.

* I have the original cover of course, just paperback I can't afford the hardbound stuff. Also, I've watched the movie I bought myself a VCD. I wanted Denzel Washington to be Alex Cross but movies are always way different from the book so...but of course I love Morgan Freeman.



THE BIG BAD WOLF

Alex Cross's first case since joining the FBI has his new colleagues stymied. Across the country, beautiful women are being kidnapped-to be bought and sold as slaves. Behind this depraved scheme stands a shadowy figure known only as The Wolf, a master criminal who has brought a new reign of terror to organized crime. With Alex's personal life in chaos because of his ex-fiancée's return and with the FBI's caution testing his patience, Alex has to go out on his own. For to stalk a ruthless predator without a name or a face, Alex Cross must become a lone wolf himself...

*Again I have the same one you see here. I just can't stop obsessing about it so i finally bought it last week.


THE LONDON BRIDGES

Alex Cross is back in his tenth and most explosive adventure yet.
In broad desert daylight, a mysterious platoon of soldiers evacuates the entire population of Sunrise Valley, Nevada. Minutes later, a huge bomb detonates a hundred feet above the ground and lays waste to homes, cars, and playgrounds: a town annihilated in an instant.

And so is the Wolf
Alex Cross is on vacation in San Francisco with his girlfriend, Jamilla Hughes, when he gets the call. The Russian supercriminal known as the Wolf claims responsibility for the blast. The Wolf is the deadliest nemesis Cross has ever faced, and the fact that he is still at large is agonizing for him and his new bosses at the FBI.

And so is the Weasel
Major cities around the globe, including London, Paris, and New York, are threatened with total destruction. The Wolf has proven he can do it - the only question is who can stop him in time. Surveillance film of the blast reveals the presence of another of Alex Cross's most dangerous enemies, the ruthless assassin known as the Weasel. The thought of these two dark geniuses joining forces makes Alex's blood run cold.

Now are you scared?

World leaders have just four days to prevent an unimaginable cataclysm. In a matter of hours, Cross is catapulted into an international chase of astonishing danger. Joining forces with Scotland Yard and Interpol, Alex fights his way through a torrent of false leads, impersonators, and foreign agents before he gets close to the heart of the crimes. Racing down the hairpin turns of the Riviera in the most unforgettable finale James Patterson has ever written, Alex Cross confronts the truth of the Wolf's identity - a revelation that even Cross himself may be unable to survive.

*OK, so it's impulsive. The wolf got away the first time and London Bridges is where he was found. So, after reading The Big Bad Wolf I suddenly found myself paying for The London Bridges at the National Bookstore. Neat.

Yeah, so?

I have no idea that this is where I'd be. I cannot disclose what I'm talking about because I know I'd hurt someone somehow. I don't want to do that. he had been totally cool, well, moody, moody cool. Anyways, I remember when I was a kid, I used to hide in my room all day and practice directing. Yes, like in theater or movies. Also, I dabble with painting which is a bad idea for both mom and dad. They don't like the fact that I'm in to arts, when in fact my mom used some of my talents when she needed posters for her classroom. ;)

Now, what have I attained? Nothing. My manuscripts we're unpublished and unused. They might be interesting but it could just be to me and my bestfriend. It hurts because I once won an award for writing. My brain is filled with ideas, new things lots of them but I don't know how to put them into words any longer. Have I lost my touch? The magic?

I don't care if everyone else in the world thinks I'm selfish, thinking only about my probems. But hey! This is my space I am entitled to be selfish and is allowed to rant. By the way, yesterday on my way home I saw two kids who asked me for some cash, since I don't feel like giving cash away (you know, beggars, i give them food instead) i gave the two of them bread. Two young kids, who plays with used, dirty straw as toys. I felt a wave of sadness and pity for them. So, I said, I'll give them bread and he gave me the sincerest thank you I have ever received in my entire 23 years on earth. I was happy. I see kids who work on the streets everday, selling rugs, candies or cigarettes. i see kids doing the same during late nights and early mornings. It's sad. Sadder than my life now. I have to admit I have a penchant for charity. It's with me, in me. I do am careful though, i just don't give away. I mean, instinct tells me if it's authentic or not. I'm psychic remember?

I realized also that some people cannot understand that, when I don't like a certain thing it means I don't like it. I don't pretend its cool just to please anyone. It's either I'm a bitch or I'm too snob. So i go, "what? there are things you don't like too, I never complained!" It just happened that what I DON'T like is something you adore most. I mean, I don't eat too much street food. Those foods cooked in fly infested places. I throw up at those places. I get sick. Can't they understand that? Like, wow. Talk about hearing these people blabbing the "don't judge a book by it's cover". I just can't believe it.

I also realized that old people, old rich people in the Philippines are let's say, hmm, never mind. I might fuel some fire with my observations.

Man, it's another new year. I can't ven call 2005 an old year. This year had been good to me. Not that onbly good things happened but becasue I learned a lot. I should stick with the Gaia Moore rule.


I'll keep you posted.

--from my msn space

All I remember was

I have a complex life, attitude, style, mind, everything...it's weird and most people doesn't like it. It doesn't matter though. Not much. I usually am oblivious of what everybody thinks of me. I'm OK as long as they don't make stories about me that isn't a bit true. My "real" friends knows how honest (or tactless) I could be. if I don't like something even if the whole world likes it, I'd say, "I don't like that. It's so yuck-y." There had been a ring of bad vibe surrounding me since I turned 17. I guess it's because I decided not be an image of any other person alive(or dead).
I'm not much of a talker in crowds. To friends, yes, non stop. To family, yes, irritating. In a way too, I am too nice that people are abusing it. I am not even allowed to exercise my right of self-perseverance. They are allowed to lie about me, trash me, bash me, BUT when I stand up to protect myself. IT IS a BAD thing. It's unforgivable, it's hideous. That's not right. I know fairness never ruled the world but then, respect surely could surface, correct? I am the one being stepped on but I am the one who doesn't have A RIGHT to be keep my head up. This is enough. I went to different universities. I met too many different people, foreigners even. I have enough idea how to live righteously (at least). Jason, is one of the most amazing person I ever met. He would make you laugh anytime he is around. He's a kid and that's really cool. Now, Regienald, he is another story. He was my first love. Is. Was. Is. Was. Both of them had girlfriend's by the way, they're both good friends back when I thought life's greatest age is 17.
And so, in between those I met Norman. who is Norman, I don't know. He mysteriously disappeared in my life as he mysteriously appeared. He is cute. Literally. He is smart though and an aethiest. I also met HIM, I cannot type his name because he would really get mad and when he is mad it scares me. Big time. He is one person I could say being described in the song "Just Like Heaven" by the Cure. Just like a dream. A dream. There are so many things that I could dish about him, but then again, it might scare him(or me) and it might be over. He made me forget about Regienald. I used to think about Regienald ALL the time. Now, it's different, it's HIM that surfaces. Should I blush or dash?
Late nights, hmm, okay let's sa before I sleep(I work at night), I always pray, for things to be how I wanted it to be. I have this really weird shield embracing me. I would always be saved or I always win in anything, everything. As long of course that I didn't do anything evil.
Today, my life ended. It awaits for a ressurection. It deserves to go back.

---from my msn space

breakfast breakfast

I love breakfast. Although I cannot have breakfast at an appropriate hour (I like my breakfast at around 5.45am - 7am). I still try to find ways to enjoy it. Here is my best breakfast list:

1. Scrambbled eggs (any cooked egg)+ steamed rice + chorizo (with or without hot milk)
2. pandesal (any bread)+ cheese + hot chocolate
3. pancakes
4. waffles
5. crepes
6. frittata (torta)

about jet li and then some...

I am a Jet Li fan. I admit that. I am really fascinated with martial arts and Chinese actors in action-packed films. OI don't really have a favorite Jet Li film, but I do recall The One and Romeo Must Die if I think of him. It's like a crush sort of thing.

Anyhow, I also think of New Yorker Gaia Moore (the girl born without the fear gene)when the words martial arts is spoken. She's a fictional character by author Francine Pascal (of Sweet Valley High). Anyhow, she's as angst ridden and stubborn as I am. She's beautiful though, the way the book says. She loves to eat like me, too! Gray's Papaya is one of her favorites.

Speaking of Gray's Papaya, I suddenly remebered Mario Battali. He is my favorite TV chef.

more on Mario next time...

from Dawson's Creek

---sorry the complete link had been removed :(
Personality test

1. You consider yourself to be:a. Introvert
b. Extrovert
c. Depends on the Minute
2. Your music taste is best described as:
a. Retro…You think of Paul’s new band as “new band”
b. Hip and modern…your favorite bands are sure to offend mom and dad
c. All Elvis, all the time.
d. Chick rock, baby
e. Eclectic
3. When it comes to school:
a. You’re prepared, ready and eager.
b. You try to hide the fact that you’re the smartest one in class.
c. School? You mean film school, right?
d. You’re just hoping you’d graduate. And maybe you fool around with a sexy English teacher every once and a while…4. when it comes to love:
a. You’re a total romantic.
b. You can live without the wine and roses…it’s the little things that count
c. Been there, done that. It only screws you up.
d. True romance evolves from friendship.
e. You’re too inexperienced to know.
f. As long as you’re getting what you want, it’s cool.

5. when it comes to sex
a. You’re fearless but safe.
b. You’re a virgin, safer still.
c. You would only have sex with someone you’re in love with (and already married)
d. You’re still experimenting.

Sure, I cook well

I really really really love cooking. i started loving to cook when I was about 8-9 years old. Our "kasambahay" left to get married and so I had no choice but cook for me (when parents are out) and help my mom for dinners. I had my share of burnt rice, uncooked mongo for the guisado and salt flavored omelet. Growing up i mastered each and everyone. My favorite dishes though are those from Thailand, India and Italy or a fusion of all these. I love curry the best. I make the "surry paste" myself instead (if I have time) of using the ones in the supermarket. there was just some times when my father hated the grilled fish I made with tomato and soy sauce. My father is not really pleased with what I do, no matter how he praises them when he thinks "I didn't make" a meal. I don't know, maybe fathers are born to be mean to their children as a way to make them excel farther.
Back to my cooking. I am fond of "recycling" left overs. I got my brother interested (he was 8 then) in making, tilapia sticks, banana and camote (sweet potato) chips. I added a tablespoon of flour to 2 cups of tilapia fillets, some salt and pepper and shaped them into sticks and egg washed them (the process of dipping in flour, scrambbled egg and bread crumbs). I had my brother do the shaping. My family loved it, it came with a local dish we call "laswa". Laswa I think menas blanched, I'm not sure though.

What I'm wishing now to enrol in a cooking class. I don't have enough time since I work long hours at night (contact center). Besides, I am still thinking if I should spend or not.

hehehehe, I'll try to get pictures of laswa before the end of the year.